The Perfect Twins

Today was the day I was going to make love with my boyfriend.

Or at least that's what I thought.

As I laid comfortably on his large king-sized bed, dressed in an alluring oxblood lace matching lingerie my thoughts directed me to something that had happened three years ago.

Our first time.

I could clearly remember the first and only time we had an intimate connection, which was when I was in my junior year of high school.

I was a weird nerdy girl, and my crush was not the typical troublemaker bad boy. He was also a nerd, or at least a popular nerd, unlike me.

He was very good-looking, the quiet type, but also very nice and charming. He came to school early, he was at the top of all his classes, he got first place in all academic competitions, he was every teacher's favorite, and he was a senior.

Girls at that time liked the group of bad boys that walked around in the hallway with their shoulders held high and either a smirk or a glare on their faces, terrorizing the whole school.

But I liked him—Caden Iverson.

I fell in love with him, secretly admiring how his chestnut brown hair casually fell into his face, with his forest green eyes peeking through the tousled locks. I always stared and stalked him whenever I got the chance. When he was with his friends in the cafeteria, when his face was buried between his large textbooks, or when he was sitting on the bench during sports. It was an everyday thing; I was literally obsessed. In fact, I am still obsessed.

On a freaky Friday, I had no idea what gave me the courage. I approached him and gave him a love card where I aesthetically wrote my love for him, expressing it in long paragraphs. I didn't care if he didn't read it. At least I made a move, and my heart was finally at ease.

But the unexpected happened that night.

He texted me.

Of course, I had no idea how he got my number. Up until now!

He texted me, and my heart practically jumped out of my body.

Unknown number: Hey Kacie. It's Caden. I really appreciate your feelings towards me, but they're not mutual. Right now, I can only offer you friendship. That's if you're down.

My whole face lit up as I stared at the screen with wide-eyed eyes, and I screamed loudly. I'm sure my mom probably thought I was getting kidnapped, but she had already gotten used to my madness.

Of course, I was a little hurt. But I expected rejection. We never really spoke, so how could he suddenly like me back? All that mattered was that he offered to be my friend, which meant I could spend time with him and finally talk to him!

I picked up my phone, my fingers tapping against the screen hastily.

Me: Hi Caden. Sorry for the random and sudden confession in that letter. I just wanted to let my heart out. I would really love to be your friend.

I tried to sound as cool as I could. Not nerdy at all, but looking back at it, I guess it was a bit nerdy.

Thirty seconds later, I got a notification ding from my phone.

Unknown number: cool.

I smiled brightly at the short message. But as the night went on, I started to think to myself. Maybe he didn't actually want to be friends; perhaps he was just trying to let me down as nicely as he could.

But an action the next day left me flabbergasted. I arrived at school, where I only had one friend– Jane, who is now my roommate. Unfortunately, Jane wasn't there that day, and I sat alone at the table in the cafeteria.

People laughed at me as they passed, thinking I was a loser, but I didn't care. I ate my lunch while admiring how Caden's broad shoulders shook with each laughter and the bright smile that melted my heart every time it appeared on his adorable face.

As I watched him, he suddenly, he stood up from his seat, and walked in the direction of my table. 'Haha, there's no way he's coming here. There's no way!' my inner voice screamed, but…

He was now in front of my table.

"Hi Kacie," Caden greeted with a smile. "I Can sit here, right?"

I was dumbstruck, and I couldn't get myself to speak, so I only nodded eagerly.

He sat next to me, and we ate in an awkward silence.

Since then, Caden started to approach me regularly, and the awkward air turned into friendship—that is, for him, though I loved him and will always love him—and from friendship to love.

He confessed his love to me, and we started dating. I was 16, turning 17 in the next three months, while he was already 18 when we found ourselves naked on his bed. I don't know what he took that day, but Caden was not himself.

We had a movie date at his house that night, and from the movie date, instead of taking me back home, He took me to his room.

We made out in his room, and it was more intense than the other little kisses we would give each other on other days. He was more eager and aggressive with it.

Yes, I was already aroused, but scared of what might happen next.

He was now on top of me, but I stopped him, placing my hand on my chest and slightly pushing him away.

"Caden," I moaned, "are we about to... do it?" I asked innocently, my eyes shaking with fear and anticipation.

He leaned into my neck, a small gasp escaping my lips. "Yes," he whispered into my ears. "I'm sorry, Kacie, but I can't control myself,” he husked. 

"Caden, wait…I'm a virgin."  I whimpered. Although I wanted it, I was a bit hesitant. You can’t tell me you weren’t during your first.

"That's fine; this is also my first time," he rasped, and my heart melted at the fact that we were both going to be our first.

He was getting tumescent really fast, and I was nervous and innocent. I didn't know how to respond to his erection.

"Can I pull it off?" Caden asked, referring to my hot pink mini skirt I wore just to impress him. I nodded as an answer, If I had known we were going to do the forbidden, I would have worn something sexier. Not like I had any.

My eyes shut  as he touched me in places he hadn’t before. He cursed, and my eyes opened wide with shock. That was the first time I heard Caden curse!

"Kacie, relax," he told me, I tried my best to. As our eyes locked, I could see an insatiable yearning in his eyes, but it also seemed like he was struggling to fight it away.

I didn't know what to do or how to behave. It was my first time, the first time I felt something like that, and I was still young, or so I thought. Half the girls in my class weren't virgins, so what makes me special?

Caden started off slow and gentle but  soon became relentlessly rough, I begged him to stop, but it was too late. Whatever he consumed had already taken effect.

At that moment, the sweet and kind Caden I knew was long gone. It was now a monster that was inside of me.

The fear of getting pregnant and the pain, plus every other thing I felt, sent me on a rollercoaster of emotions. 

Finally sated, he collapsed next to me, and my body trembled, falling onto the bed. Right  then I concluded my life was over; he said he would pull out. But he didn't.

Tears began to stream down my cheeks. There was still a throbbing, unbearable pain in down there, my whole body aching critically. I turned around to back him  not wanting to see the face of the monster, who I once thought was an angel.

"Kacie," he called softly, his voice filled with guilt , and I began to cry silently.

He raised his body up and scooted closer to me. His hands touched my shoulder, and I jerked up, pushing off his hand.

“Kacie I'm… I'm sorry–," he started before I felt him jump out of bed.

"F*ck! What the heck have I done?" I heard him mumble. I heard his fast footsteps as he walked to the side of the bed I faced.

Reaching there, he took a step forward to meet me but retreated with wide eyes, taking steps backward. I could clearly see the fear in his eyes.

I reached for the blanket and covered myself. And I turned to the other side when I heard his footsteps running out of the bedroom and into his bathroom.

I stayed on the bed sobbing silently, hoping the Caden I knew would come out and tell me everything was going to be fine, and he was sorry.

But seconds and minutes passed, and Caden was still in his bathroom, and I was still scrunched up in bed.

About an hours later, the door suddenly opened, and Caden stormed to his bedside and opened the drawer next to it. I watched as he brought out multiple pill cases and a transparent leather bag where a greenish brown thing was inside.

He then walked back to the bathroom, and the door was open, so I squirmed, turning around to see what he was doing.

He poured all the pills and green stuff into the toilet. Then he collapsed next to it, his knees hitting harshly against the floor.

That was when I realized he had probably taken some bad drugs and . . . my boyfriend was an addict.

Caden never forgave himself for what he did to me that day.

He wanted to break up with me. And I didn't let him. He kept saying he abused me, he used me, that he committed a crime, and he needed to be locked up.

I tried to reassure him. But he didn't stop. He kept saying he deserved to die and that he was a terrible human being for doing such a thing to a little girl.

And I felt both insulted and pity for both him and myself.

After that night, Caden and I didn't show up at school the next day. He took me to a pharmacy store and bought pills for me to take, then took me back home.

My mom had a night shift, so she wasn’t around that night, but when we arrived home, she was already there, thinking I had already gone to school, and was shocked to see me appear with a boy.

My mom knew I was dating Caden; she knew I always had a crush on him. We chatted often, like sisters. She approved of him and gave me a rule to wait till I was 18 before I tried anyt