My name is Lucy

This is the life story of a transgender girl, so welcome and get ready to fall in love with her adventures.Dreams are born like clouds in the sky.That's how Lucy saw things.Walking with her hair flying and brushing against her eyes, she admired the beauty of the free birds in the sky. She longed to live in that same way, free to go wherever they pleased. But unfortunately, it seemed that in her life, choices were a little more difficult than simply deciding whether to fly or perch on a tree full of flowers.She felt trapped within herself every day.She wanted to run, to rid herself of the weight, but how could she? In her own home, fear made her true personality and inner self remain locked away, living under a cloak of lies and assumptions, just to please the one who gave her life.To live freely, to wear skirts and stockings like any other girl her age.Lucy hated herself so much that she would cry every morning, asking God why He, as the most perfect and kind being that her mother claimed He was every day, had done this to her.She didn't even choose to be this way.But like every day, that was another day where she would put on her cloak and transform into him.Jeon Woojin.Adjusting the tie one last time in front of the mirror, she grumbled and sighed. She despised how it itched her neck. But it was a rule. The male uniform had to be complete, and she, as him, couldn't do anything about it."Woojin, you're going to be late!"That's what she heard from her mother, as she shouted from the bottom of the stairs, just like every morning.Lucy rushed, aware that she had to hurry, or else she would truly be late, missing the bus that always arrived at the same time and his company, always waiting for her at the same spot.She swallowed a hormone pill she had been taking before heading downstairs and kept the rest in a box under her bed.As she descended the stairs, Lucy tried to fix her hair, tucking some strands behind her ears, but they always stubbornly fell back into her eyes."Boy, look at the time," her mother said as she reached the kitchen. "Woojin, what kind of tie knot is that?" She pointed, and Lucy lowered her gaze, not quite understanding what was wrong. "You can't go around like this, especially not to school. You're seventeen, you're already a man.""No, Mom, I'm not."That's what Lucy thought in that moment as her mother shook her back and forth, straightening the tie completely."Great," her mother smiled, looking into her daughter's eyes. "You'll never find a girlfriend looking so sloppy.""I don't want a girlfriend.""Of course you do, every boy your age does. Soon you'll be old enough to get married and have a good woman to take care of you and your home.""For God's sake, Sun-ha, leave the boy alone," Jungso, Lucy's father, entered the room, speaking up. The man looked at his daughter and smiled.He was always the one to save her from Jeon Sun-ha's nagging."Thank you, Dad," Lucy whispered, smiling."Thank you, Woojin, with an 'O' at the end," her mother spoke again. "Men say 'thank you,' women say 'thank you.'""Okay, Mom... bye."The girl was no longer interested in wasting time with nonsense, especially coming from her mother, who always brought up the same subject of how she needed to behave and organize herself to find a girl.She hurriedly walked to reach the corner of her street, and when she arrived, she smiled, as enamored as she had always been since she was thirteen, seeing him in front of her, waiting for her to go to school together."Woojin, you're late!" Park Ryeon shouted.Park Ryeon... her crush.Well, in reality, he was more of a friend, just that, but Lucy carried a secret crush on him since she was thirteen, and it grew stronger with each passing day."Sorry, Ryeon," she apologized, adjusting the strap of her backpack as she stood in front of him. "Can we go now?""We should, or we'll miss the bus."Walking side by side, Lucy smiled at the silly things Ryeon told her he had done over the weekend.He had been to the amusement park and rode the roller coaster seven times in a row, and on the last ride, he vomited into his own shoes."You're crazy," Lucy exclaimed."I'm a daredevil, it's different," Ryeon replied, smiling and subtly brushing his arm against hers.They walked together, almost glued to each other.And it was always like that.Whenever their skins touched, Lucy always remembered that Friday night when Ryeon made her heart beat so fast that she thought she would die at thirteen.They were both sitting on Lucy's dull pastel blue bed. They were discussing a movie they had just watched, and whenever Ryeon smiled, he would throw himself onto her thighs. It was his habit.A habit that Lucy quite enjoyed.She felt even closer to him.And in that moment, Ryeon had thrown himself onto her, laughing at one of the scenes from the movie they remembered, and for just one second, time simply stood still.Lucy could feel the way Ryeon gradually stopped smiling and stared at her, his expression completely changing."Can I tell you a secret?"That's what Ryeon whispered, close to her. The boy had a mischievous smile on his lips, which made her nod, curious."I had my first kiss."And as if knives pierced her young heart, Lucy felt, for the first time, the pain of disappointment.In that moment, she realized how foolish she had been. She was starting to recognize herself more as a girl, realizing that she had never been seen the way everyone else saw her, and she thought Ryeon could notice her in that way. In the real way."Really?" she asked, staring at their hands clasped together in her lap.Her throat felt tight; she didn't even know it would hurt so much to have such a realization. And what would she do? Would she scold the boy for kissing a mouth that wasn't his own? She couldn't."And I can show you how it feels..." Ryeon whispered again, biting his lower lip.And in that moment, with Ryeon still too close, she truly thought she would die.Her heart pounded strongly as her eyes opened wide. The pain she had felt before was replaced by nervousness, and her body became even more restless. She saw Ryeon smile even more, sneaking closer to her.And she didn't push him away. She saw him close his eyes and took a deep breath before doing the same.Would it really be like this? Would she kiss him so easily?And yes, she kissed him.She felt Ryeon's plump lips gently press against hers, and even without any other movements, Lucy sighed in pure pleasure.It felt like a dream come true, or if she wanted to go further, the sensation felt like running through a rainbow, leaping towards the pot of gold.She was still very confused. She wanted Ryeon to see her as a girl, but she hadn't thought of kissing him until then.But she didn't care in that moment. That act became her favorite in the whole world.She wanted to kiss and kiss Ryeon until their lips grew tired and swollen.That's when she felt Ryeon go further, placing a hand on her nape and running his fingers through her short hair. The boy also sighed and timidly placed his tongue on her lower lip, massaging it.And Lucy froze.She didn't know what to do, but she had watched enough movies to know that she had to put her tongue against his to go further, and so she did.Timidly, just as Ryeon had done with her, Lucy touched Ryeon with her tongue, feeling the softness and moisture of his muscle, receiving it and getting to know it.And even though it was awkward, the touch was good. It was interesting how Park led that with desire. It felt like a dance, and he danced it very well.And that's how Jeon had her first kiss.No one interrupted them in that moment, to the salvation of both.She didn't know how she would react if Sun-ha saw something like that. It was possible that she would take her to a church and ask a priest to exorcise her, because clearly those were demonic acts that possessed human bodies.But Lucy didn't feel like there were demons inside her.But that's what her mother said every time she saw a gay couple or anyone from the community that didn't fit the heterosexual norm.But snapping out of her teenage infatuation, Lucy saw Ryeon sit on the bus stop bench, oblivious, looking at his phone, not paying her much attention.She thought he didn't even remember it anymore, she was just being foolish.

[...]

Lucy sat next to Ryeon, tapping her fingers on her knee, with nothing to do.She couldn't even use her phone; she always left it at home because her mother didn't allow her to bring it to school."Are you going to the prom?" Lucy heard Ryeon ask, putting his phone in his pocket.Lucy shook her head."I'm not that interested in that kind of thing, you know.""But I thought you would. It won't be fun without you there, Woojin!""As if you would care, Ryeon. You'll be too busy with Sun.""Sun is only going with me because she couldn't find a partner and begged me." Ryeon turned to face Lucy better, slowly getting closer. "I thought we could both have fun..."Lucy shrugged, not wanting to be deluded by anything that was crossing her mind at the moment."Come on, Woojin... Let's go, please..." Ryeon pleaded, clasping his hands together."No, Ryeon, I'm not going.""Please... We can go to the mall and buy matching suits.""Only couples wear matching clothes nowadays.""Then let's pretend we're a couple? That way, will you go with me?"Lucy laughed, falsely denying it, while her own heart started to race again.She wondered why her heart was so weak. It started pounding hard once more, and she had no answer to give to Ryeon because she was in shock.But, to her relief, she saw the bus turn the corner and stood up at that moment, escaping the conversation.She quickly got on the bus, heading to the seats in the back and placed her backpack on her lap as she sat down, adjusting her tie that was itching her.Ryeon followed the same path, sitting next to her, still without an answer."Did you study for the physics test?" Lucy changed the subject."Test? What test?""I can't believe this, Ryeon, did you forget?""Are you serious?""Of course, I am! Luckily, it's a group test, so you can either partner with me or with your prom date...""You really don't like Sun, do you?" he asked, smiling."I never said I didn't like her, I just don't want to be friends.""She said you're cute," he said, glancing at her."That's her problem."The girl really didn't like talking about the other girl; she could be seen as selfish, but she didn't care."Can I come to your house tonight?" he asked, changing the subject."At night?" she nodded. "Only if we stay in the backyard. My mom has a meeting with the 'ladies' from the neighborhood tonight.""My mom never goes to those," he said, chuckling softly."Lucky for your mom. They only talk about how well their kids are doing in school, college, and their husbands' jobs. And they criticize other women for not being like them.""Thank goodness my mom doesn't go to those either. She would easily tell everyone off... even your mom."Lucy laughed. She wouldn't doubt that.She looked out the window, observing the houses, and soon silence settled between them. Lucy rested her head and admired the people walking calmly on the streets.She subtly felt her hand being held and quickly turned to see Ryeon smiling with his hand intertwined with hers."Do you want to listen to music with me?" he asked, raising one side of his earphone.Jeon nodded, smiling. She placed the earpiece in her ear and waited.She tried to focus on the sound of "Head First" that started playing, but Ryeon still held her hand, their fingers fitting together so well that it made her completely blush.But Ryeon seemed to care little about it; he tapped his feet to the rhythm of the music and even played with their intertwined fingers."You've got me in the palm of your hand"That's what the lyrics said, but Lucy felt like it was an indirect message sent directly from the universe to her.In a way, Park Ryeon had her in the palm of his hands."Tangled around your finger 'til the lights go out"Lucy glanced at Ryeon, watching him play with his phone again.She wanted so much for him to look at her and kiss her right there."That's all she asked the universe for in that moment."Feeding the adrenaline that's racing through my veins, you take a step closer, and I can feel it coming."And Lucy felt it. She felt her heart beating faster, the butterflies in her stomach fluttering and causing intense turmoil.And like a feather floating, while still lost in the other's face, Ryeon turned to her, not like before, but like a first time.Their eyes met, sparks igniting between their bodies."It hit me like a wave, I'm falling... you've mesmerized me, enchanted. Tangled around your finger 'til the lights go out.""You've got me in the palm of your hand.""You've got me..."And in that moment, it was different. It wasn't Lucy who felt strange, but Ryeon. The impulse that took over his body, propelling him forward, made the girl freeze.There were only centimeters of distance between them, and both were breathing heavily with anticipation coursing through their bodies.Their faces were almost touching, still sharing the same music, and probably the same feeling.Their eyes locked, but it was their mouths that begged for each other.Ryeon lowered his gaze, his eyes fixated on her thin, well-defined, and slightly pink lips.Lucy had applied her peach-colored lipstick that morning. And as if he had a heightened sense of smell, Park could sense the sweet scent and swallowed hard, eager to taste it.But Lucy had to intervene. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't kiss him there, amidst so many other people.She quickly rose from the seat, causing the earphone to fall from her ears."It's our stop," she announced, averting her gaze.Ryeon nodded, feeling embarrassed. They walked off the bus together, and when they entered the school, they parted ways with a simple "See you in class."And when she was alone, the girl could finally take several deep breaths, trying to process what could have happened.Lucy trembled, walking quickly. She ran to the classroom, heading straight into the arms of the only person who truly understood her up until that point.As soon as she entered the room, she thanked the heavens that her best friend was there, alone, sitting in the last chair of the right row, near the windows, as he always did.Jeon ran, stumbling over her own feet, throwing her backpack onto the desk to sit down while her friend stared at her, still unaware of why she was behaving a bit differently. Lucy took a deep breath and blurted out all at once:"I'm going crazy!"

Lucy felt overwhelmed.But it was understandable. She had gone through a moment that, from her perspective, was almost maddening.She had almost kissed Ryeon. Almost...Jaesun still stared at her, expecting more than just that short sentence, but the girl only took a deep breath and widened her eyes even more."Why are you going crazy?" he asked, realizing she wouldn't speak without further prompting."Because of Ryeon, that's why!""Come on, explain it to me properly, I'm not a mind reader."Jaesun leaned back on his desk again. He rested his hands on the table and rested his head on them, still looking at his friend."He asked us to share the earphone and listen to music.""But you always do that.""Yes, but it was different, you know? I felt like he... for a moment, wanted to kiss me.""Like, on the lips