Lost in your curves

“I am an independent, strong, and brave woman. I am an independent, strong and brave woman. I am an independent, strong and brave woman”.

Standing naked in front of the huge full-length mirror in the bathroom, I repeated my new mantra to myself over and over again, stammering, as tears streamed down my face.

I had already showered, but the sound of the running water helped me calm down, the steam emitting from the water seemed soothing. Plus, my moaning was less audible.

The sudden knock on the bathroom door made me react with a little start.

“Yes, it's me”.

“Daughter, is it me? Are you all right?” I recognised my grandfather Chester's voice on the other side of the door. I tried to calm down, took a deep breath and cleared my throat.

“Yes... Yes, Abu, thank you” My grandfather's footsteps could be heard walking across the room. “Is something wrong?” I asked nervously, trying to sound natural.

“No, daughter, it's nothing serious, it's just that I was knocking several times on the door of your room and you didn't answer, I was surprised and that's why I dared to come in, excuse me” My grandfather spoke a little louder. I turned off the shower tap to hear him better.

“Ah, yes, Abu, I was in the shower and had some music on, that's why I didn't hear you” I lied to him, feeling guilty, I closed my eyes tightly. “What were you looking for me for?”

“Honey, I wanted to remind you that tonight is dinner with our new partners”.

«Dinner?!», I had completely forgotten, and precisely on that day, I was not in my best moment to have to face a bunch of businessmen who would surely discuss business, the future of their companies, their children, their grandchildren and make bad jokes.

I had always been honest with my grandfather, you could say we have a connection, a very special affection for each other, however, if I told him the truth about what was happening to me that night, the main reason I didn't want to attend the dinner, I was afraid I would end up disappointing him again and I didn't want to have to go through that again, at least not for the moment.

I had to miss that torture, in the state I was in, I couldn't take it. So, I had no choice, I had to lie to my grandfather Chester again.

“I'm sorry Abu, I forgot and I already made plans for tonight with...” I thought nervously and the first name that came to my mind came out. “Mike!” Frustrated, I slapped my forehead, «I couldn't pick someone else?!»

“Oh yes, good, can I know what your plans are?” He sounded very interested.

“Nothing important, a dinner” I made it up, I didn't want to feed his expectations.

“Of course! Now I remember, isn't this the week you're having your anniversary?” My grandfather continued to inquire from the other side of the door, while I mentally begged him to stop asking.

“Mmmm, yes”.

“I'm glad daughter, it's two years together... You know what? I bet he'll propose tonight” He commented animatedly.

That simple sentence was a dagger to my heart. I held on to the sink counter, took a deep breath to stop the tears from flowing again, swallowed hard to get rid of the lump forming again in my throat.

“Don't exaggerate, Grandpa” I tried to dodge him, what could I say to him to remove that expectation from his mind.

“You'll see, daughter! I'm sure of it!” He assured me animatedly. I didn't answer, I didn't dare to continue this charade. As there was no response from me, my grandfather decided to stop the talk for the time being. “Well, I'll leave you to finish getting ready, you'll probably get home very late tonight, so I hope to see you early tomorrow morning at the company with the good news, remember we have a meeting”.

“Good night, grandpa.” I mumbled, still trying to muster the strength to release my grip.

“Good night, daughter”.

I heard a door close in the distance, my grandfather was gone, I could go back to suffering alone, in my own personal hole.

How awful, I felt terrible! Not only did I lie to my grandfather about my plans for tonight, but I also lied to him about my relationship, for in fact, Mike had broken up with me that very morning.

I used to think that after so many disappointments in love and over time, one would eventually become immune to the pain of a breakup, but at least in my case, that was not the case.

I was even more disappointed when, after two years of relationship, on the day of our anniversary, Mike arranged to meet me in a nice café, something very unusual, which made me assume that he would have a romantic surprise or a detail.

I was left with my mouth open, it's true, I was expecting a surprise and I was quite astonished when Mike arrived with his new assistant, Lisa, a stunning, slim and beautiful young woman. There, in front of her, he broke up with me, explaining that he had fallen in love with her, while the girl held on to his jacket and smiled contentedly. At least I didn't give them the pleasure of crying in front of them.

I took courage and let go of the counter, grabbed the towel with the resolution to leave the bathroom, but before wrapping myself up, I turned around and again looked at my figure in the mirror, the rolls, the fat, the flab, the cellulite. The tears came down of their own accord.

“No!" I spoke to myself in front of the mirror, wiping away the runny drops that had just flowed from my eyes. “That's enough, Ava! It's over! No more! I'm so sorry for my grandfather, I never meant to disappoint him, but I won't go through this again, I swear to myself” I placed my hand on the mirror, palm over palm and cleared my throat. “I, Ava, swear to myself that I will not fall in love again, I will not fall into another relationship, from now on, it will just be casual encounters, no feelings included, because there aren't any, from now on I don't have any” I closed my eyes waiting for the flow of my tears to stop for good, I opened them again to observe myself once more. “I am an independent, strong and brave woman” I repeated my new mantra once more.

I washed my face and walked out of the bathroom, very ready to start my new life, because from now on, I would be a new me.

There was some truth to the excuse I gave my grandfather, I did have plans for that night. I would meet at a club with a group of friends, they had invited me that very morning, as soon as they found out about my break-up.

But I couldn't tell my grandfather that I was going to party to skip the meeting with the partners, that would be unacceptable. That's why I lied to him, I just didn't think the lie through, Mike wasn't my best choice when it came to an excuse.

Anyway.

I arrived at the club with a change in my outlook, although my mind was still full of insecurities, I had made a promise to myself and mentally shouted my new slogan to myself.

«I am an independent, strong and courageous woman» I said in my thoughts, as I walked into the club, in my tight, tiny, sequined, jet blue dress, standing upright, serious, somewhat awkward, but feigning confidence, as if I felt like a goddess.

Because, although I didn't have the ideal measurements of a model, although it was true that I didn't have a perfect body and I couldn't deny that I had a few extra kilos, at least I still had my curves, only they were more voluptuous than those of other girls.

Seeing me arrive with that daring look, leaving my legs in the air, with that deep make-up and those very high heels, all my friends gave a thunderous scream in unison, the music was almost overshadowed by the music, causing all eyes in the place to turn to me.

I got more nervous, I wasn't used to being the centre of attention, but I remembered that I wasn't that shy and introverted Ava anymore, so I decided to move forward wiggling my whole body.

“I can't believe it!” Cecil was the first to hug me.

“And we were making plans to comfort you!” Paula kissed me on the cheek.

“You look...! You look amazing!” Maggie hugged me.

“What happened to you?” Paula asked as I took my place in one of the chairs around the table.

“Well, I shook my head” I shook my head slightly. “I'm tired of suffering, what good does that do me? I'm willing to skip all the stages of grief and start enjoying myself for once” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Wooooow” All the girls cheered for me.

The waiter arrived, took our order and within a minute arrived with several rounds of drinks, tonight would be a night to celebrate.

No more crying, no more Mike and no more mourning my exes. Although that mor