Wilderness Words

In the long grass, a mountain lion slowly sneaks towards a herd of red deer, entering the telephoto lens.

Lu Ming's heart began to beat wildly.

She held her breath and stared at the camera intently. Beads of sweat the size of beans appeared on her forehead and flowed down her cheeks from the corners of her eyes.

She didn't bother to wipe it off, and drops of sweat fell directly onto the grass.

Lu Ming had been lurking nearby for nearly three hours and finally got his chance.

She told herself secretly:

From this moment on, the camera must not be diverted from this lion!

The puma lay down 40 meters away from the herd of red deer, with its head lowered and its body curled up, like a spring that had been compressed to its limit.

The red deer were grazing quietly, completely unaware that they were on the verge of life and death.

It was late fall and early winter, and the Canadian Rockies National Park was peaceful and tranquil.

Luming could almost hear his own heartbeat.

In the camera, the mountain lion suddenly leaped forward, opened its bloody mouth, and pounced on its prey like lightning.

At the same time, Lu Ming pressed the shutter button.

The high-speed SLR camera made crackling sounds and captured the thrilling scene of the mountain lion chasing the red deer at a speed of ten frames per second.

Lu Ming continued to lie there motionless, watching the wild chase directed by nature on the camera.

The herd of red deer fled in all directions, and one of them unfortunately became the prey of a mountain lion.

Soon, only the mountain lion was left in the camera, its eyes cast towards the distant horizon, as if thinking about something. It stood alone for a moment, holding the prey in its mouth, turned away from the camera, and finally disappeared.

The surroundings returned to silence, as if what had just happened had never happened.

Lu Ming let out a long sigh and looked up. At the end of his sight was a plateau of snow-capped mountains.

The mountains are bare and the rock surface is rugged, like works of art created by years of cutting and peeling of ice and snow.

The sky is blue under the golden sunlight.

Icebergs, coniferous forests, iceberg lakes...the Rocky Mountains present a breathtaking scene like an oil painting.

Lu Ming was fascinated by what he saw.

The phone, which had been lying in my jeans pocket for a long time, suddenly vibrated.

She took out her cell phone and just as she pressed the answer button, a thunderous roar came from the line.

"Luming, if you don't answer my call, I will expose your nude photos directly."

"Tell me something."

Lu Ming held the phone between his face and shoulders, took the camera off the tripod, and while answering the call, he looked through the photos he had just taken.

The person who called was Zhou Di, her best friend and agent.

"Two pieces of news, one good news and one bad news. Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?"

"bad."

"Okay, I'll tell you the good news first."

“……”Then what are you asking?

Lu Ming was too lazy to talk and focused his attention on the photo. His thumb kept pressing the delete key, and his brows were slightly frowned.

"The good news is that you have won another award, the American Society for Natural History Photography Award. This is one of the most influential international wildlife photography competitions in the world. Congratulations."

"Which piece?"

Lu Ming had a bad feeling, and his hand stopped pressing the delete key. He put down the camera and held the phone steadily with both hands.

"Honey, when will you come back?" The woman, who was as ferocious as a tigress a moment ago, suddenly spoke in a coquettish voice.

"What's the bad news?"

"…That haunted little puppy."

"I accept my incompetence, and you are on your own."

Lu Ming stood up with his hands, his legs were numb and he couldn't bear any force, so he knelt on one knee on the blanket.

She rested the hand holding the phone on her knee and used one hand to rub her calf. The leather of her knee-high flat boots was a bit hard and she had a hard time rubbing.

"Zhou Di, I'm warning you, don't take my nude photo to the competition."

"Oh, you really have nude photos? Where are they? Why haven't I seen them before?" Zhou Di said jokingly.

"You know the answer but you still ask."

"I can't guarantee that unless you come to Fenglin Avenue this afternoon and take Cheng Zitao home. Men are just like that. Just change your taste and stop thinking about that snow leopard-like man."

“……” Lu Ming hung up the phone and threw the phone into his bag.

Anxious.

That familiar, horrible feeling came back.

Her anxiety started three months ago when an international wildlife conservation organization invited her to go back to China to shoot a documentary about snow leopards.

To go or not to go, that is the question.

Every wildlife photographer has the potential to risk his life, and Lu Ming is no exception.

She has been to the East African savannah and witnessed the thrilling sight of the cheetah, the fastest mammal on land, chasing the Thompson's gazelle, which is also famous for its running speed.

She has also been to the Australian continent to photograph unique species that have emerged due to isolation from other continents, such as kangaroos, bowerbirds, red rosellas, etc.

The only exception is the snow leopard, the ruler of the snowy plateau, which was born in China just like her. It is the wild animal she is most fascinated with and wants to photograph the most, but she has never had the courage to go back and photograph it.

Lu Ming sat down, rubbed one leg with each hand, took deep breaths repeatedly, calmed his anxiety, and thought about where to go next.

After rubbing her legs for a while, the numbness was gone. She stood up, packed her things, put them into the big bag she carried with her, and finally folded up the blanket that was spread on the floor.

She pinched the two angled corners of the blanket with both hands and shook it vigorously a few times to shake off the grass debris, then draped it directly on her body and straightened it out.

Lu Ming pulled out the fork on her head and let down her hair which had been casually tied up before taking the photo. She used her fingers as a comb to smooth her long hair and stomped her feet to remove the dirt from her flat boots.

She had to make such a change to avoid people mistaking her for the leader of the Beggars' Sect and offering her money when she walked on the street.

A cool breeze blew, and Luming wrapped himself tightly in the blanket, although he did not feel cold.

Vancouver is ranked first among the top ten most livable cities in the world, with picturesque scenery and pleasant climate.

But she still had the habit of carrying a blanket with her, which could be used as a cushion and a shawl. Perhaps it was also because...she stopped those thoughts that would overflow into a disaster if she was not careful.

After finishing the trimming, she held the two ends of the blanket tightly in one hand, picked up the bag in the other, and quickly left the long grass where she was lurking.

Lu Ming returned to the car, put the bag on the passenger seat and started the car.

Her eyes kept glancing at the bag next to her. She often had the urge to step on the brakes, take out the phone from her bag and look at the award-winning photo, but she tried her best to restrain herself.

Lu Ming gripped the steering wheel tightly with both hands, looked back ahead, and stepped hard on the accelerator.

The off-road vehicle sped along the deserted forest road, getting faster and faster.

The scenery on both sides of the road quickly receded, gradually connected into a line, and finally became a vast green ocean. The car was like a ship, cutting through the waves.

Lu Ming drove back to the residential area where he lived and before going upstairs, he went shopping at a nearby Chinese supermarket.

As soon as she came in, the store's shopping guide, a little black girl, immediately hid in the warehouse.

Lu Ming felt a little embarrassed. The little girl was already afraid of her, a customer with selective syndrome.

The boss was from Sichuan, a middle-aged man, who was sitting at the cashier counter looking at his computer when he suddenly exclaimed:

"What are you doing? It's another forest fire. This is going to cost the country a lot of money."

Every time Lu Ming heard him say "do what", it felt like he was saying "claws".

She stood at the checkout counter and handed him the list, asking him to pack the items directly. This was her way of avoiding making choices when shopping.

chapter 2

"Uncle, which place are you talking about?"

"Yulun River is a small forest town in western China, between Qinghai, Tibet and Sichuan."

Lu Ming was familiar with this place name, as it happened to be one of the places the snow leopard research team of the International Wildlife Conservation Organization was going to visit, and they invited her to go along to photograph snow leopards.

The boss took the list and yelled something in English towards the warehouse, calling out the black girl hiding inside and asking her to go find the things.

Lu Ming quickly prepared what he wanted, and finally got stuck on laundry supplies.

The boss asked her whether she wanted laundry powder or liquid laundry detergent and explained in detail the pros and cons of each.

"Let's use laundry detergent, which has strong cleaning power." Lu Ming thought that he would get his clothes dirty if he often went out to shoot in the wild, so laundry detergent would be more suitable.

The little black girl brought the washing powder.

"Let's use laundry detergent. It's easier to rinse." Lu Ming didn't look at the black girl's face.

The little black girl brought the laundry detergent and prepared to take the washing powder away.

"Wait, I still need detergent." She suddenly felt that the most important thing was to wash the clothes clean.

Washing powder and laundry detergent were placed side by side on the cashier counter. Lu Ming looked left and right, unable to make up his mind.

"Forget it, just buy them all."

The little black girl was so angry that she blew her nose and glared, and then hid in the warehouse again.

The Sichuan uncle laughed so hard that he put all the laundry powder and liquid detergent into the eco-friendly shopping bag.

After paying the bill, Lu Ming ran back to the apartment with the shopping bag.

The apartment has two bedrooms and a living room, in black and white tones, with an extremely simple design style. Lu Ming lives in one room, and the other is her darkroom for developing photos. The kitchen has been abandoned.

She took a shower and threw her dirty clothes into the washing machine. Did she use detergent or liquid?

After struggling for a long time, I finally used half laundry detergent and half laundry liquid.

Small things like this are easier to solve. But how do I solve that big thing?

Lu Ming was wrapped in a clean blanket, without any clothes underneath, sitting on the bed with an open notebook in front of him. Ten reasons were listed on each page.

The left side means going, the right side means not going.

She held a map of China in her hand and examined it carefully with a magnifying glass for a long time. Finally, she added a reason under the reason for going:

The Yulun River is far away from the Kunlun Mountains, so the possibility of encountering it is low.

She quickly checked the "Go" page.

Finally making a decision, Lu Ming breathed a sigh of relief.

The next second, she suddenly thought, the Yulun River and the Kunlun Mountains are both in China, both in the west, how far can they be?

Lu Ming became anxious in an instant. He quickly closed his notebook, threw it aside, jumped off the bed, took out his camera, and went into the darkroom.

The room was dimly lit, with photos of various wild animals hanging on the clotheslines.

She exported the photos and developed them.

The photos of mountain lions hunting red deer eased some of her anxiety, but raised new questions.

Mountain lions are not snow leopards.

She walked to a photo as if possessed and carefully examined every detail in the photo.

The man in the photo has his back to the camera.

In the distance was the backdrop of snow-capped mountains on the plateau, under his feet was mud and sand, and around him were some sparsely planted trees that did not appear to be well developed.

He opened his arms, his posture was sleek and upright, like a strong tree reaching into the sky.

The man was naked, with bronze skin and dirt all over his body, which made him exude a primitive and wild aura.

The lines of his body were very smooth, just like the figures she had drawn from plaster statues when she was learning sketching.

Especially the buttocks, every muscle is as hot as fire.

The man is the core of the whole picture. With him as the center, there is a snow leopard on the left and a fawn on the right.

The snow leopard and the deer were facing him but not looking at him. Instead, they tilted their heads back and opened their mouths slightly, as if something was falling from the sky and they were opening their mouths to catch it.

rainwater.

…

Every time Lu Ming sees this photo, he can't help but hold his breath.

The frozen scene appeared in her mind. Her face was burning and her heart was pounding, as if she was back to eight years ago.

Anxiety escalates into mania.

Lu Ming left the dark room and returned to the room. Like a trapped beast, he turned around and around but couldn't find the exit.

Zhou Di called.

After answering the phone, Lu Ming had an idea, changed clothes, put on makeup, and went out.

chapter 2

Dusk, Maple Avenue.

Lu Ming parked the car on the side of the road and saw Cheng Zitao and Zhou Di sitting across from each other at a table in an open-air cafe not far away.

When she appeared, the two of them were so shocked that their eyes almost popped out.

Smoky makeup, big hoop earrings, worn jeans, a short black jacket with a black suspender underneath, and a big wavy hairstyle in the shortest possible time, dressed like a biker girl.

Zhou Di was wearing loose casual clothes and a black wig. She stared at her with a painful expression on her face that said "When did I become like this?"

Yes, Lu Ming is now playing Zhou Di, and Zhou Di is playing her.

As a good Chinese girlfriend, Zhou Di has always been concerned about her lifelong affairs, just like a reincarnation of her biological mother.

Zhou Di and Cheng Zitao were chatting happily on WeChat and sent photos to each other, but the one they sent was a silhouette photo of Lu Ming.

Cheng Zitao confessed his feelings on WeChat.

The problem is that Lu Ming has no interest in this man, so Zhou Di directly rejected it. Cheng Zitao, however, did not agree and bombarded Zhou Di with countless WeChat messages every day.

The purpose of her trip was to make him give up on the character Zhou Di she played, so she had to be as terrifying as possible.

Lu Ming looked straight at the older boy who was sitting respectfully opposite him.

Cheng Zitao was wearing a slim-fitting suit, a white shirt, a black suit, and a tie. He was holding a white ceramic coffee cup tightly in both hands and looked very nervous.

He probably thought this was their first official date.

"Zhou Di, would you like something to drink?" Cheng Zitao asked timidly.

"Puchi..." Zhou Di, who was playing her role next to her, laughed out loud, then realized that she shouldn't laugh, waved her hand, and introduced herself:

"I'm Zhou Di's friend, Bei Lu. Excuse me, please continue."

Lu Ming took her mother's surname since she was a child. After her parents divorced, she followed her father. Before she had time to change her character, he committed suicide.

She had no choice but to return to her mother Lu Xiaorong. When she remarried later, she was not allowed to change her name at first because of the incident eight years ago. Before she came to Canada, Lu Xiaorong forced her to change her name to Bei, following her stepfather Bei Chuanhe's surname.

In front of outsiders she is Beilu, but she has never gotten used to this name.

Cheng Zitao stood up and bowed deeply to Zhou Di very gentlemanly.

"Hello, Sister Xiaolu, I am Cheng Zitao, please take care of me."

"Why would she care about you? I came here today to make it clear to you. Please don't harass me again in the future."

Lu Ming uses the coldest voice, combined with the most impatient expression, which should be very lethal.

Cheng Zitao was stunned, a trace of hurt flashed across his dark eyes.

He had been bending over, and only after Zhou Di reminded him did he come to his senses and sit down again.

He asked Lu Ming very seriously: "Is it because I am younger than you? You said that love has nothing to do with age."

"You believe such lies?" Lu Ming sat sideways, his hands resting on the armrests of the chair, staring into space, "You don't know me."

"We can learn more about it later."

"There is no future. I will tell you what kind of person I am now."

Lu Ming quickly recalled what bad habits Zhou Di had in life.

"I smoke, go to bars, and want to have s*x with any handsome man I see. Once the novelty wears off, I change men faster than I change clothes."

"..." Zhou Di cleared his throat vigorously beside him.

Lu Ming pretended not to hear and continued to attack, "I also like to run naked at home."

"It's not that serious, it only happened once." Zhou Di glared at her fiercely:

"That time, we were cooking noodles in the kitchen and it was about to catch fire. I, a dead woman, was developing photos in the darkroom. She was in the middle of taking a shower and I didn't respond even when she screamed at the top of her lungs, so she had to run out by herself."

Zhou Di moved her hands between her and Lu Ming.

Cheng Zitao's eyes followed her hand and finally he smiled, without any expression of horror and disgust as Lu Ming had imagined.

"Don't laugh, I haven't finished yet."

Lu Ming racked his brains and continued to expose the truth.

"I was a fat kid when I was little, and I was extremely ugly. You can see what I look like now. I have been out of college for a few years and I don't have a proper job. She is my manager, but she is actually just a photographer, and not even a commercial photographer. I don't see any future for me. I may end up living off my parents."

"F*ck..." Zhou Di couldn't sit still anymore, rolled up her sleeves and pointed at herself:

"I, don't be fooled by my quiet and well-behaved appearance, like a tamed fawn. I am actually a wild deer. If I hadn't been stood up, I would have almost married a wild and penniless man at the age of 19."

"..." Lu Ming's heart felt as if it was pricked by a needle and it hurt.

"Also, do you know what I like? Wild animals. I like watching them make love the most, watching and filming them. I watch it not just once, but film it and watch it over and over again. She has a perverted best friend like me, how dare you date her?!"

"That's mating."

Lu Ming came to his senses and corrected her.

"Photographing wild animals breastfeeding and mating, like photographing them eating, is a way of recording their living habits and is part of the job of a wildlife photographer."

A few seconds after the felines mate, the next scene must be like this:

The female threw the male off her back and they roared at each other.

Female Tibetan Bell Sheep will go to a place to breed at a fixed time every year. When they return to the original place with their babies, they will no longer know which male Tibetan Bell Sheep is the father of their children.

The mother snow leopard usually raises her cubs alone.

…

She has always wanted to know why wild animals have certain habits, but even animal experts cannot explain these phenomena.

Lu Ming's love for animals far exceeds his affinity for people.

She is used to projecting people onto animals. For example, her current father is like a giant panda, her mother is a tiger, Zhou Di is a wolf, and the man in front of her is like a puppy that has not yet been weaned.

That snow leopard-like man... She stopped her thoughts in time.

"It's all the same. You're so obsessed with animals, you never know if you'll end up in a human-animal relationship someday."

Zhou Di used her eloquence to launch a series of attacks.

"Also, I'm a world-renowned wildlife photographer. I've worked with the BBC, National Geographic and other media for a long time, and I've won numerous international awards. How come your job as an agent has no future?"

Lu Ming is very talented in photography.

There is a kind of magic in her works. When you see them for the first time, you will hold your breath involuntarily and then want to keep looking at them uncontrollably.

In the global wildlife photography circle, Lu Ming is a well-known figure and is known as the "Jane Goodall of China".

Zhou Di couldn't explain so much, so he just picked out the key points and said:

"In the future, I will be a documentary director, shooting wildlife documentaries. I have a bright future, okay? I have succeeded, and you are the woman behind the successful woman. Without you, my success would not be possible. So, you are also outstanding!"

"..." Lu Ming herself began to feel dizzy and had to admit that she could not beat Zhou Di.

Cheng Zitao didn't seem to realize that this was a breakup show and was concentrating on listening to them tearing each other down.

After they finished speaking, he looked at Luming and concluded his speech:

"Zhou Di, thank you and Sister Xiaolu for telling me so much today. In my eyes, those shortcomings you mentioned are not shortcomings at all. Even if you are a parasite, it doesn't matter. I can support you."

"I'll support you? Ha, no one would believe that." Zhou Di had a look of disdain on her face. She leaned back and sat at an angle, unknowingly exposing her true face.

"Then you support me. I don't mind that my woman is better than me." Cheng Zitao said with a smile.

Lu Ming and Zhou Di looked at each other, having never expected this situation to happen.

It was she who came up with the idea of breaking up with coslpy. Her original intention was to cut the Gordian knot and make Cheng Zitao give up all his fantasies, but the result was not ideal.

The two found an excuse and fled in a hurry.

As soon as she left the cafe and before she got into the car, Zhou Di received a phone call for a date. Her single life is exciting and lively, with no shortage of things to do.

In comparison, Luming's life is much simpler.

When I was in school, I studied and took photos outdoors; after I started working, the only thing left was taking photos outdoors.

In eight years, she obtained two bachelor's degrees and a master's degree.

Except Antarctica, she has been to the other six continents, visited four famous forest belts and twenty-one little-known beautiful forests.

She does not have the common problems of people working in the arts. She does not smoke, drink, or go to entertainment venues.

To use Zhou Di's words, she is not living a life, but rather practicing Buddhism with her hair uncut. To put it simply and crudely, it is called a perversion.

Lu Ming could also feel that something was wrong, but he couldn't tell what the problem was.

She often felt that her world was a wasteland. She was like a deer without direction, running desperately but not knowing where the exit was.

Lu Ming sat alone in the car, looking at the passers-by, and was in a daze for a while.

Remembering that it was the weekend, the day when she regularly reported her current situation to her family, she took out her cell phone.

Luming doesn’t like to make phone calls. He occasionally posts on WeChat Moments as a routine to show his parents.

Hospitals, cinemas, shopping malls, bars, park scenery, Maple Avenue... put together a nine-square grid with text attached:

Socrates said that the most precious thing in the world is not "what you can't get" or "what you have lost", but the happiness you can grasp now.

As usual, as soon as the message was sent, the first comment came from Zhong Yuxiu: The greatest happiness we can grasp now is "being together", what do you think?

Yoyo is her nickname. She has known Zhong Yuxiu since she was in middle school. His grandfather and her stepfather Bei Chuanhe are close friends regardless of age difference. They came to Canada to study together eight years ago and are as familiar as family.

Lu Ming replied to him: Maybe.

The second comment was from her mother Lu Xiaorong: My princess Lu has grown up, and I am very pleased.

Afterwards, the photos in the nine-square grid were copied intact to her circle of friends, with the caption:

Having a smart and capable daughter, this diamond-level baby is very proud but also under great pressure. The prince consort has been reluctant to bring her home, and there is no sign of little Youyou.

Followed by a string of crying emojis.

Lu Ming always responded to this kind of invisible imperial decree forcing marriage with "hehe, umm".

This time, Lu Xiaorong bombed several of them one after another.

The gist of it is that next March, she will be honorably retiring from her position as deputy director of a Class A tertiary hospital in Beijing, and will have plenty of time to do this and that, mostly all related to her daughter.

Finally, I emphasized, "Beilu, don't forget what you promised me."

Once serious matters were involved, Lu Xiaorong would call her by this official title.

Lu Ming used the universal excuse of "my cell phone was out of battery and I was outside" to get away with it.

Power off.

She leaned back in her chair and rubbed her temples, trying to sort out her messy thoughts.

What Socrates said was correct, but the problem was that the happiness that she could grasp was not what she wanted.

For her, doing what she wants to do and going where she wants to go is the only way to resist loneliness, anxiety and even hopelessness.

The most wonderful way to realize life is to live out everything you want in your heart.

This is what she really thinks.

But in front of outsiders, especially her family, she didn't know how to express her true thoughts.

Looking at it from another perspective, everything her mother did was for her, and she could understand it. She also knew that she was no longer a young girl and could continue to act recklessly.

How do we resolve the conflict between what we want to do and what we should do? Why can’t we have the best of both worlds?

Lu Ming felt depressed, so he opened the car door, got out and walked towards Fenglin Avenue.

The fiery red maple forest is illuminated by the setting sun, like adding fuel to the fire, so red that it is dazzling.

There was a couple in the maple forest. The girl opened her arms and made a flying gesture, while the boy hugged her from behind. They were laughing and talking happily.

A familiar scene flashed through Lu Ming's mind. She was standing in the vast desert, facing the wind. The man behind her was holding her and whispering in her ear:

“If you don’t know how to choose, just repeat each option in your heart. The option that makes you so excited that you hold your breath is like a breeze blowing from the bottom of your heart. It will give you a pair of wings and take you to where you want to go.”

Lu Ming paused, closed her eyes, and muttered in her heart for a long time. It seemed as if a strong wind really came from the bottom of her heart, bringing a clear sound.

…

The car slowly traveled along a mountain road.

On both sides of the road, there are towering mountains, and the steep slopes