Shades of Pleasure

SYNOPSIS:

I've always liked having control over things in my life, it gives me a satisfaction I can't explain. Since I was a teenager, I haven't had a good relationship with my mother, she always tries to control me and wants me to do everything she says. Unlike my father, who always supports me in everything and is happy with my achievements.

I'm the master of my own life and I do whatever I want.

I thought I had control over myself, until he arrived. Bringing a real hurricane to my "dull" life. And the first time my eyes met his, I knew I wouldn't be the same.

Peter Addams came to color my life, and show me the 50 Shades Of Alex.

CHAPTER 1:

                                     Alex Collins

Control.

The main word in my vocabulary, I like to have control over everything around me.

My childhood and adolescence is not something I like to remember, my mother, Beatriz Collins, was not and is not one of the best mothers. Today, even at the age of 36, she still insists that I have to follow her orders because she knows what's best for me, and in just three months she's already arranged two marriages for me.

I didn't accept any of them.

I've been in a few relationships and only two were serious enough to make me think about marriage, one of them ended when my ex-fiancée asked me to "get out of my world". The second ended because both my ex-fiancé and I no longer felt the same way about each other. Even after a few years, we're still friends.

I've never been one to expose my personal life to the public, although gossip does come out about me from time to time.

I can say that I feel professionally fulfilled, my company is one of the most famous in America and employs around 250,000 people divided into two companies, as I have now opened a branch in London. Today I have an interview for a famous magazine, and I confess that I can't stand these interviews. Someone always has inconvenient questions and they always try to pry something out of me about my personal life, which ends up irritating me. Besides, today I also have to interview my new private secretary, the last two have given me a hard time for invading my personal space, I like professionalism.

“Mr. Collins, the new secretary is waiting for you. Can I ask him to come up?” Maria asked after I answered the phone.

“Yes, ask him to come up and, in 30 minutes, go to James' office and pick up this week's reports and bring them to my office.” 

“Yes, sir.”

It's still nine o'clock and the weather is already a bit warm, and even with the air conditioning in my office on, my body feels strange. My heart is racing and my skin is starting to feel cold. I close my eyes and try to control my breathing. My body feels heavy and my chest burns from lack of air, it's not possible that I'm going to have a crisis right now. I can't lose control, I soon hear knocks on the door. I straightened my posture and tried not to show one of my "weaknesses".

“Come in.” My breathing was still rapid.

“Excuse me, sir, I'm the candidate for the position of personal secretary.”

As soon as my eyes met the boy's, I felt everything around me stop and I can't explain the feeling that came over me. He has a simple smile on his lips, pale skin and blond hair. The feline eyes behind the round-framed glasses, he looked nervous.

I've never felt like this in all my 36 years.

I was stuck in some kind of trance, my eyes couldn't move away from the boy in front of me. Just by looking at him, my breathing regulated itself, and I came out of that trance when he spoke again.

“Is everything all right, Mr. Collins?”

His voice was soft, but with a hint of concern, and I could see his hands shaking. And I'm no different, at least I know why.

“Ah, yes. Sit down, please, let's get started with the interview.” I picked up his CV, which was on my desk, and began to assess it. “Peter Addams, 23 years old and a dance student. From your recommendations, I can see that you're excellent at your job, but why should I hire you?” I asked, looking into his eyes.

“I always try to be a good professional, even though I'm 23, I'm mature and responsible in every sense of my life. I'm a dance student because dancing is my dream. I want to be a famous dancer, but before that I need to work to support myself and pay for my mother's treatment in hospital. I'm a fast learner and I'm willing to improve every day.”

Something intrigued me about him when he mentioned his mother, his gaze wavered for a few seconds. I liked the way he was sincere.

I leaned back in my chair and brought one hand to my jaw, running my fingers along it as I thought about the next questions. As I analyzed him, I saw him swallow and put his hands together in his lap, noticing how my posture was intimidating him.

Today I'm wearing a black suit, but no tie, the first two buttons open and my hair tied up in a bun, with two strands loose at the front. I like the feeling of intimidating someone.

“I like professionalism and that you don't invade my personal space. You'll have to accompany me on everything, pass on my appointments and take care of my diary. You should know that I've recently opened a branch in London, and as my secretary, you'll have to accompany me when I need to go there. But since you're studying, we can organize that, I don't like failures, and I'm bound by punctuality. Our relationship is strictly professional, we're not friends or anything like that. I don't like it when people break the rules and cross the line. I arrive at the company at seven o'clock sharp  you should be here by then with my coffee, unsweetened, from the cafeteria opposite the company. Always keep an eye on your phone, if I call, and you don't answer, you'll be punished for it.” He looked at me attentively, something in his gaze made me want to know more about him, but I won't do that. “I like everything my own way and I hate being contradicted. Do you think you could be my secretary, Mr. Addams?”

He blinked several times and swallowed, settling back in his chair and taking a deep breath.

“Yes, sir.”

I don't know how, but hearing those words come out of his mouth, from his plump, pink lips, made something inside me turn around. I stared at him for a few more minutes and decided to give him this chance, I couldn't wait any longer, since Maria is overloaded with work.

“Can you start right now? I have an interview after lunch, until then we'll have time to go over a few things with you.”

“Yes, Mr. Collins.”

[...]

Peter really learns things quickly, I can tell he's also good at organizing my schedule. His office is opposite mine, and at no time was he invasive or insinuating himself towards me. His perfume doesn't leave my smell, it's soft, perhaps floral. I think I was right to hire him this time.

At lunchtime, he went with me and I noticed him embarrassed when we got to the restaurant, I must admit that his rosy cheeks make him look cute. On the way back, he was concentrating on his iPad and I on my cell phone, until I received a message from Suzy, a woman I got involved with one night and who now won't leave my side.

[Unknown]

|| Alex, don't be so mean, let me see you. I miss you.

[Me]

|| Suzy, please stop pestering me. I've already made it clear that it was just a one-night stand. Don't come looking for me again, understand that I'm not going to commit to anything with you, and I'm not one for having s*x with the same person more than once. It was just s*x and, let's face it, it s*ck*d.

When we got back to the company, I had a small emergency meeting about a new model we're making. It was only an hour before the interview when the door to my office was thrown wide open, I looked in and saw Suzy standing there with a frown on her face and, just behind her, Peter, gasping for breath.

“Sir, I told you that you didn't want visitors and I tried to stop this lady from coming in, but she locked me in the reception bathroom” Peter said, and I braced myself for this woman's scandal.”

“You can't do this to me, Alex! I'm your girlfriend!”

I took a deep breath and massaged my temple, tired of this kind of attitude.

“Am I going to have to apply for a protective order against you, miss? How many times am I going to have to repeat that it was a one-night stand? Get it through your head that we're not going to have anything, Suzy, if you bother me again and do this kind of thing again, I'll call the police. Now get out of here and don't come looking for me again, I have to leave now.”

She slammed her foot on the floor and walked off, my secretary stared at her feet and I got up. I had to go and face those reporters.

Peter didn't say anything and just followed me into the car, the silence seemed awkward and he looked nervous by the way his leg was swinging. We arrived just five minutes before the scheduled start time and my head was already aching. I wanted to get away from it all and go home to rest, I haven't slept well for a few nights now. I drank some water and sat down in my seat, Peter a little further behind me. When the first question was asked, I took a deep breath.

“Mr. Collins, don't you think getting involved with men could destroy your career?”

“I don't think so, look at the figures for my companies rising every day. My sexual orientation doesn't affect anything, I'll continue to be the same businessman who creates more jobs every day, I'll continue to be myself, whether I get involved with men or not.”

He didn't say anything, bear with me.

“Mr. Collins, do you intend to open other branches around the world, or invest in other businesses?”  asked a reporter.

“I already have projects being developed in other areas of the market” I said and drank some more water.

Peter remained silent and just watched.

“Mr. Collins, is it true that your last secretary resigned because you harassed him?” What kind of f*ck*ng question is that?

Before I could answer, Peter came up to me and showed me a news story involving me that had just come out. What do you mean this reporter already knew about it?

“I see this lie is already spreading. In my 36 years, I've never touched anyone without permission. Not that I have to give you any satisfaction, but the last two secretaries were fired for invading my personal space and trying something with me. I would never get involved with any of my employees, but you can wait for my lawyers to comment on that. This interview is over.”

I got up and left with Peter on my tail, nervous and wanting to punch something. I didn't say anything and got into the car, asking my driver to take me home. We still need to organize my trip to London on Friday, so when I got home, I just asked him to accompany me. I went to the gym I have at home and took off my blazer and shirt, put on my boxing gloves and started punching the sandbag to vent my anger.

It's not the first time they've tried to get money out of me with lies, it makes me angry. I kept punching harder and harder, my body was already wet with sweat and my head was throbbing even more. My chest began to ache and, before I got even more out of control, I told Peter to leave.

I didn't want him to witness my weak, out-of-control side. I need to maintain my tough guy pose at all times, everyone sees me as a rock, strong and hard to break.

But I'm human and I have feelings, I just don't like exposing them.

Sometimes I feel tired, overwhelmed. And when I'm like that, I seek out my father's lap, who always knows what to say to me.

It's not all flowers, even at the age of 36, now I'm like a helpless child looking for shelter in my parents' arms. My father doesn't say anything to me, he just lets me cry all I need.

While I have another crisis.

CHAPTER 2:

                                           Peter Addams

I don't have much to tell you about my life, since it's duller than Taylor's coffee.

I had a happy childhood, despite the absence of my father, I never even met him. Mom was always a warrior and didn't let us lack anything, even if we had so little. She worked two jobs and there were days when I would catch her crying in her room, exhausted from having to take care of everything on her own, and I, an 8-year-old boy, would promise myself that one day I would give my queen a princess life. Amelia Addams is my greatest pride.

As a child, I didn't really understand, but today I know how difficult it is to raise a child alone, not that I have one. Mom has given up so many things because of me, I know she says she'd do it all over again and that I'm her life, and it's not fair for her to miss out on things because of me. She w