Faux Hearts

This town is for mad people. 

Being out as early as 6 am and still having to deal with traffic and agberos is so exhausting. When does one actually get to rest? And worst of all, this bus smells. 

“Owa o!” I say as I near my bus stop. The bus comes to a halt and I alight from it. 

Having to shout that every time is so nerve wracking. What if someday I’m not loud enough, or I’m not paying attention and I find myself in a completely different area? That’s an adventure I’m not willing to partake in. 

In my reverie, my dress gets caught up in something. It’s someone’s bag zipper. I don’t look up at all as I quickly tug on the trapped part of my cloth and release it. 

“Sorry”, I whisper and get off. I don’t care if I’m heard or not. I’d rather not be heard. 

It’s a sunny day out. There aren’t any birds chirping, but the cars are honking, and the noise is unbearable, and maybe I’d be able to smell the sea if the stench of man sweat wasn’t everywhere. Walking to and around campus every day is quite tedious and I can’t wait to be done with it. 

I reach for my headphones but it’s not on my neck. It’s always there. 

“My goodness! Where did I keep this thing now?”. Panicking won’t help in any manner so I don’t, although I am annoyed now. I take out my earphones and start to untangle them. I don’t hate using them but they get in my way and I don’t appreciate that. 

White noise starts to play in my ears and I drift away. 

The sun is glistening on the waves of the ocean. It shimmers with a radiant glow, a spectacular play of light on the water’s surface. The ocean’s breeze, ever refreshing blows gently on my face and tickles my skin. Tiny specks of sand find their way through my toes and the rhythmic and gentle caress of the waves is tranquil. 

I take a step towards the sea, looking to immerse myself in her depths, and another and then another. Soon I am knee deep in her waves and I start to float. Spreading my arms and legs, I let myself dance to her tunes. Let her take me. I’d follow her anywhere. The fear people carry about what she holds in her depths doesn’t faze me. She’s beautiful. 

I let myself bask in her glory. Maybe I’ll carry some of it with me. Maybe then I can walk through multitude of people and not care what they say or think of me, because I’d know for certain that they are in awe of me. A unique thread in the vibrant tapestry of the crowd. 

Just maybe. 

I make my way to class and prepare to tune out the professor. I’m ahead of the curriculum anyway. 

Stopping at the doorway, I take a few deep breaths and prepare to walk in. I’ve skipped enough classes. Avoiding the world won’t do me any good. I take a deep inhale one last time and walk in. My head is slightly down and I head to the window seat. Once seated, I exhale. 

For a moment, I feel a quiet moment of liberation. As if all my troubles dissipated with that exhale. 

That wasn’t so bad 

Realistically, I know it’s because I’m here 25 minutes early. Most people aren’t here yet and I have no problem with that. Soon after, people start to file in and as long as I’m seated, it doesn’t bother me too much. The professor comes in too and the lecture commences. 

The class should pass like a breeze. I’ll be out of here and in my apartment in no time. 

I feel uneasy. 

It feels like there are 10 pairs of eyes at me. It’s normal with my anxiety. I’ve leaned to ignore it but it’s hard to today. Someone is staring at me; burning holes in the back of my head, but I can’t turn to look. I can’t move. I can’t. 

1, 2, 5

1, 2, 5

1, 2, 5

This continues for the rest of the class and I want nothing more than to sprint out of the class when it’s over but I have to wait for most people to leave first. It shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes. I can do it. 

They file out the same way they came in. Individually or in friend groups. Laughing, smiling, frowning or with no decipherable expression at all. Calmly or in a hurry. And I wait. When most people are out, I stand up to leave; happy to be leaving but dreading the journey home. Then my headphones are dropped on the desk in front of me. 

I stare at the headphones first, filled with pure joy. My baby. I'm too happy to notice the person that dropped it as I check to see if there are any cracks on it. I quickly say a 'thank you' to God before I realize that I have to say thank you to my savior too and it hits me all at once. 

I smell him first. He smells like cinnamon and fresh spices. The ocean. He smells like the ocean. A subtle brine wafts through the air around me and I am consumed by it. I reminisce of salt-kissed breezes and the rhythmic melody of waves and then I look up at him. 

His eyes. His dark brown eyes hold an intensity that sends a shiver down my spine. These eyes, though intense, carry a gentleness that softens their commanding gaze, as though there’s an unspoken kindness deep within him. 

I falter under his gaze and I clear my throat. “Thank you.”

“You left it on the bus”, he says

His voice resonates with a deep timbre, a smooth cascade of sound that effortlessly wraps around each word like honey flowing gently. It’s comforting and warm 

I don’t realize how long I spend staring at him and he probably thought I was confused because then he explained himself. 

“I was in the same bus as you this morning. It fell off on your way down from the bus and I tried to give it to you, but you seemed lost in your thoughts. I didn’t want to disturb so I waited to give it to you after class.”

Oh. 

“Oh. Thank you very much. I appreciate it”. I manage to keep my voice steady. Without waiting for a response, I get up to leave. He doesn’t stop me. I don’t expect him to. 

I walk to the bus stop with my headphones on as I make my commute home. Thankfully, I had just one class today because I’m exhausted. Evidently so, because I fall asleep on my way, which is a dangerous thing to do. 

I come to when we near my stop and I prepare to make it known. 

“Owa.” I say to the driver. I don’t have to yell because I’m in the front seat. Before alighting this time, I make sure I have all my belongings with me. By the time I’m done making sure, the bus is parked and I get off. I stop to get some snacks and beverages before I get to my apartment. The vendor knows me well enough to not make small talk and I head home after making my purchases. 

I live in a small one-bedroom apartment, but it’s cozy enough. The singular white couch in the living room has all sorts of throw pillows on it. I don’t really care if they match or not. I like pillows, and they don’t interfere when I sink into my couch. My blanket is draped over it. It feels very natural. My plants add life to it. They’re everywhere. My safe haven. 

Dudu is by my side immediately, and he purrs and runs against my leg. I smile and pick him up. Kissing him, I say, “Did you miss me?”

He meows as if to respond and I chuckle. I don’t find it weird that I talk to my cat. I know he’s hungry, so I go to the kitchen and pour fresh food into his bowl. I also replace his water bowl with clean water and set him down so he can eat.

I walk back to the kitchen after setting my bag down in the living room and take out the things that I bought. Absentmindedly, I put them where they’re supposed to be and think of the stranger from earlier. I think of his eyes and his smell. His eyes held a sense of wonder but also a hint of darkness. It was scary. A tingle runs through my spine and I decide to stop thinking about him. It won’t do me any good. 

Walking into the bedroom, I’m happy I made my bed before leaving this morning. My plushies are all there, and I can’t wait to snuggle with them later. I take off my clothes and pick out what to wear after I take a shower. 

I turn on my speaker and press play on my jazz playlist. The setting sun filters through my curtains and I open them properly to let the last rays of the sun come in. It casts a warm glow into the room and I love it. I start to burn my favorite candle and then go to shower. 

It’s a quick one, but the sun goes down by the time I'm finished. I dry myself and then put on the shorts and top I set out earlier. Taking in the scent of my burning candle, I let out a satisfied sigh and take it with me to the living room. 

The breeze coming in through the window is cool and I cover myself with my blanket. It’s a hello kitty blanket that my mother bought me 2 years ago. It is as soft as ever and I melt into it. I pick up the novel that i was reading earlier in an attempt to finish it. Dudu snuggles up to me and I let him. The tranquility of my apartment envelops me and I soon give in to the gentle calls of slumber. 

I love my home.

Sunrises are breathtaking. They paint the sky in hues of gold, orange, and soft pink; announcing the emergence of the glorious sun, casting its warmth on earth. I wake to a gentle symphony of light and warmth caressing my face. 

Snuggling one of my plushies tighter, I revel in the tranquility of a new day. The world is quiet and I open my eyes to witness the breathtaking spectacle. The cool November breeze comes in through my window and, at that moment, I feel.

It’s my day off from school, so I'm in no rush to get out of bed. I do anyway because I like to have an early start to the day. Moving leisurely, I complete my morning routine and I have enough time to read a book, which is all that is on my schedule for today. 

Dudu purrs, so I know that he's full. I look into his food bowl and it is empty. 

With no real malice in my tone, I say, “I filled that up just this morning Dudu.” Picking him up, I take him to the bath. He knows