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Finding 'Me'

Finding 'Me'

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Living in a world where one doesn't know oneself, one must feel down. Trying to find oneself, only to realize that the road gets cut off. Dead. Roaming Earth without a body. You find out a way to get to know yourself and return back to your body. But things are not as simple as they seem to be. Matters run deeper than they look like. In the path of finding oneself, you realize that this journey comprises of many creatures that you would never expect to be. They are two paths to choose. The first path leads to eternal death at the slightest mistake and choosing the other path results in the repeated cycle of losing oneself after two months. Read Finding 'Me' and you will not regret....

Don't know

"Hello our gazelle! How are you doing?"

"Doing good, I guess. And you?"

"If you can be doing good, then how can I be doing bad? I probably need Dr. Evergarden"

"Haha" I laugh drily as I watch Scott, our gardener laugh and walk off with a wave of his hand.

That... those words are totally not funny! Why did I even laugh? He's always making absolutely unfunny copied jokes. Hmph! Someone really needs to tell you that all your jokes are so not funny, Mister. The fact that I'm always looking down, does not mean you should joke about it all the time! I stump my feet angrily.

Well...why won't I be down? I don't know who I am! Don't think I'm insane. I really don't know whether I'm male or female, tall or short, beautiful or not! I just don't know and it kills me. I know you're already thinking of many ways for me to know 'me' or maybe not. But, I've thought of all those things before. Still I'm left with nothing as an answer.

I sent my PS (personal servant) to get some nice clothes for me so I can know how I look like to her and everyone else. I did that because even if I look down to see my clothes, I see nothing. When my servant returned, she handed the clothes to me but what I saw weren't clothes. I saw a blob of light with an innocent looking flower which I can't discern the type.

When I look at the mirror, I only see an unending road in a dark stormy night. Lightnings and thunderstorms. And beside the road is an innocent flower. Almost dead. I always feel like plunging my hands into the mirror and grabbing the flower. But when I lift my hand to touch the surface, I feel an indescribable fear. My instincts tell me to flee. I'm the scared type of person. I never enjoy taking risks and that attribute of mine never let me dare touch the mirror. I flee. Call me coward, I don't care.

At times, when people call me a gazelle, I feel like I'm a girl and good-looking one but then, someone else calls me a gloomy baboon and I'll be like...yay! I'm a not-so-good-looking boy.

If only I attend normal schools that others do, things would have been better. Alas! My parents, my mother to be precise arranged a home tutor for me and my siblings. If I attend normal schools, I would have been active in most school activities. If I'm male, then the girls will try to be with the most intelligent and popular guy in school and if I'm female, the guys might try to come along too. As I had that thought, another thought echoed in my mind: 'What if I'm a not-so-good-looking guy, will the girls near me? What if I'm a fat and fairly passable girl, will any guy near me?' No! Absolutely No! So this can't work.

It would have been better of I'm able to relieve myself in the toilet. For this, no no no! I never get such urges and when I bath, it feels like I'm washing a flat wood. No bumps or... just flat! About childhood, I don't have any. I mean I can't recall any childhood memories. No memories! It's like I just jumped into adulthood.

If only my parents can arrange a marriage for me just like my elder brother, Jackie, I'll be able to know my gender but... my father believes in love first and my mother, maturity and money first. How much I wish, I can tell someone about this! It will surely sound weird for my liking. You think it is? You should. I'm just so confused about me. I can feel the lone, sad and broken blanket covering me.

Breakfast 1

"Do you like standing out there in the cold___? Come on in!" That's my father. That pause means he said either my name or anything related to my gender like he or she, him or her, which I can't hear. It's so cold... I rub my palms together as I walk into my house. I walk to the dining table and take a seat by the side of my brother, Jackie, who's about twenty four years old. Most times, I wonder what he is still doing at home, living with father and mother. He's already old enough to live in his own house.

"Bon appetit" Our Chef announces as the Butler beckons on the table servants to start serving the food. Today's meal is pancake and maple syrup with bacon, my favorite. The aroma wafts to my nostrils and I swallow. After serving the meal, the servants excuse themselves to give us privacy while we eat our breakfast. Only the Butler and two other servants stay at the corner, just in case we need anything else.

I cut a pie


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