FROM SURROGATE TO SOMETHING MORE

I enter the cafe, place my coffee order, and then look for a seat.  Soon later, my coffee arrives, and I express my gratitude to the waitress.  My nerves begin to kick in as soon as I take my first sip.

 I hear the door tinkle open and the little bell ring as I slowly exhale several times. I know I can do this.  My dearest friend enters with a radiant, gentle grin as my eyes go to the front door.  She waves at me when she sees me and then lines up to receive her coffee.

 My palms begin to perspire as I start to feel hot in this chilly little bistro.  She must realize that she is your best buddy.  I'm at a loss for what to do if she doesn't.  I've already decided and can't change my mind, so it's too late.  I doubt my brain could withstand this battle one more time.

 As Jackie approaches the table I chose for us, my gaze remains fixed on her.  I leap to my feet and give her a firm embrace.

 "Hi," I say, smiling sweetly as I inhale her soothing aroma. "Hey, how are you?  When you called earlier, you sounded exhausted, and you looked at it. She sits across from me and partly laughs sadly. "Thanks," I say in jest, and I sit down again. "Honestly, things are tough."  For her books, Lizzy needs more money.  Because of the bills, I don't have any spare money.  "How am I supposed to take care of Lizzy and the bills as well as maintaining her needs for college?" I worry because the scholarship wasn't awarded for the previous few semesters and the new semester is approaching.

 "Girl, I promised you repeatedly that we would support you.  Since we are not currently doing another IVF cycle, we might assist with Lizzy.  Daisy, she's also like my little sister. "I love you for that because I know you would help in a heartbeat," she says with a charming smile.  I was unable to borrow from you again because we owe you so much for our past-due payments.  "That's your family making money, and I could never handle that," I said, letting a tear fall slowly before wiping it away.  or make a timely repayment." "Daisy  You are not required to reimburse me; I have money.  Jackie laughs and takes hold of my hand.

 Jackie holds it close to her while she listens to me, and the waitress from earlier brings her order before leaving.

 "Jackie, you know I couldn't live with myself if I didn't pay that back" "I wanted to talk to you because I found a way to solve my problems," I remark gently, then smile subtly.  I performed some study and found that this is a low-risk, quick-paying opportunity. I show her my phone's stored folder, which is filled with data.

 She grabs my phone and looks through it with wide eyes, then turns back to face me and says, "Daisy, you can't be serious," a few times.  A donor who is a surrogate? She yells in a whisper, "Jackie, I'm serious.  I've spent weeks researching and experimenting with the concept.  I explain, "I could pay for Lizzy's schooling, her new books, catch up on bills, and even pay you back bill money. People who truly want a family are in need and are willing to pay a lot to have someone help them."  I'm losing my mind from working two part-time jobs and watching kids during my free time.  I'm exhausted and it's never enough, therefore I can't do it."

 "Ruining your body isn't the answer for a baby that won't even be yours" Softly, she said, "Ruining my body?  Life is a gift, and altering your body is only a step in that process.  You are the only one who knows that, Jackie.

 I didn't mean that, Daisy; you're going to go through a lot of changes.  All for a child who will never truly be yours.  For what will you have to deal with the fallout?  A couple of grand?  I-I don't see you acting in this way.

 Frustrated tears well up, "I didn't seek your permission.  Jackie, I need your help because I've already faced this conflict over whether or not to do something. I talk in an upset tone.

 After a mental struggle, she falls silent and then nods.

 "You're correct; I apologize.  I want you to have money instead of taking it if this is the only method you find works for you.  "Then fine, I back you up on it," she says after pausing.  She says "Thank you, thank you" as she sips her coffee. I grin and let out a little sigh of relief: "This is a significant shift for me; I'm afraid of the unknown procedure, but I know it's the right one.  I only hope Lizzy gets it as well.

 "You haven't spoken to her about this?"

 "No, she is unaware.  In an hour, I'll be having lunch with her.  A few days ago, I hardly consented to this and had to confirm that I wouldn't change again. "You're going to have a bigger battle, you know that right?" I clarify. "I know," I say with a troubled laugh.

 "When do you start this?" she says with a slight grimace of sadness.  Or have you?

 "I completed the screening and processing as soon as I could.  I was paired with a private company catering to affluent customers.

 "Really?  What on earth does that mean?  "How?"

 "It's secret, shady at first, but it's to protect their privacy."  For some protocols, every interaction is random.  They are aware that they will meet with someone that day, but they are unsure of the exact time.

 I take a breather while sipping my coffee.

 "Don't they have to choose?" "I asked that but, for the client, they selected I will be matched with, the clients gave specific instructions for them to find in their donor"

 I saw her opening her mouth to speak as if she were about to resume helping me.  "I have to do this, plus I already signed paperwork saying I approve moving forward when ready"

 "If this is what you want, I stand by you" Jackie responds, "Thank you" Softly grins "I just wanted to let you know, give you a heads up, so it isn't a shock when I see you with a big stomach attached to me"  "I need to go, I'll be late," I say as I get up after checking my watch. "Thank you for telling me, I trust you."  She stands up and whispers, "I love you," and I return the hug, saying, "I love you too, Daisy." We leave, and I head home to get dressed.  Lizzy won't tolerate this, Jackie is correct, but I'm doing this for her and her future.  It will be difficult and unpleasant to do this baby thing, but I can't imagine taking on more work.

 *****

 When I get home, I take a shower and change into my comfortable running attire.  I pick up my keys and leave the house.  I drive to In-N-Out, park, and then enter to meet my sister at the door.

 I call "Lizzy" and "Daisy"  "How was school?" she asks as she approaches and hugs me. I say, "Great, let's go eat, I'm starving," as I move away. She chuckles.

 I concur with her, and we proceed to the counter to place our meal orders before finding a table.  She despises the subject of school since she is aware of how much it costs me.  I struggle in my mind as I prepare to tell Lizzy.

 Daisy?  You seem a bit too reserved.  With a doubtful expression, she laughs quietly and says, "I-I'm getting a new job, that pays more than my other jobs." I exclaim, "Really?!" With excitement, she smiles and asks, "What type of job?  "Full time?"

 "It will be a full-time job, carrying someone's baby"  Quite quietly, I say

 She bursts into laughter, drawing glances from everyone nearby. "Funny!  Tell me, "She sobers up."

 "You're not joking are you?!" she says, stopping all activity, and I turn away from anything I may be looking at because I don't know how to respond. "No, I'm not," she says a little too loudly.  They pay well." "I can't let you do that," I say, turning back to her.  That is incredibly foolish and insane," she says, adding, "I want to for us and your future, Liz."

 "I can find a job-" "No, stop yourself.  Lizzy, you're hardly home.  I can do this; you're too busy.  I'm doing this." "Is Jackie aware of this?  She won't allow it.  "She doesn't want me to, but I told her what I told you," she murmurs, looking down. "Daisy-" "Lizzy, please don't fight me on this."  You're not going to prevail.

 We continued our argument, but I prevailed.  Seeing her cry made me feel horrible, but I had to do this for her.  Before she returned to school and I returned home, we made an effort to have lunch together.

 *****

 I received the email this morning, which is the one item I neglected to tell them. Around 6 p.m. to meet the man at a cafe.  Because I would be altering my body for a child I won't be able to keep, I'm a little afraid to do this.  A child whose DNA will contain my blood.  A child that will never be mine, so I will never be able to keep it.  Knowing that, could I still do this?

 With a groan, I exit the vehicle and enter the upscale cafe.  I was looking at my phone and looked around the room when I noticed this gorgeous man.  I look back at my phone and see his picture, so I know who it is.  I approach him and confidently tap his shoulder.

 The words "I want to have your baby" came out.

"Lizzy!  You will arrive late. I shout, dragging her bags to the front door and opening it. "I understand!  I don't want to forget anything, I know." She responds with a shout.

 I partly wave at the cabbie as he shakes his head at me, saying, "Lizzy!  Your *ss will be left behind by the taxi. "Why do I have to go?" I yell once more as I move away from the door. Taking her carry-on from the kitchen table, she whimpers as she leaves her room. "Lizzy, we discussed this.  As their grandchild, you must be seen by them.  I argue, "I don't want to go to Hawaii," as I step outdoors into the cold.  Since New York is superior to Hawaii, I would like to remain with you.

 "Who are you trying to deceive, Lizzy?  Hawaii has great weather, but it's chilly here.  Enjoy your time away, as you will only be gone for a week. As I watch her foolishly wheel her bags to the taxi, I say, "Why don't you go if it is so perfect?"  In a mocking tone, she says

 "You know my relationship with t