Chasing Her Light: Resisting My Brother's Bestie

I wake in a panic to the sudden sounds of drums and a loud female voice. I grab my pillow, ready to smack whoever (or whatever) had snuck into my room. I quickly realized I was in my bed. Safe, with the bright sunlight pushing through the sheer sea green curtains that covered my window.

I sit up blearily, pushing my auburn waves out of my face. Recognizing the song blaring from my phone, I let out a quiet growl and bury my face in the pillow on my lap.

Today... today... what was today...

Awwww hell...

That meeting...

I dive back under my covers and pull the comforter around my head, trying to block the sound of music and the light that beckons me to come out to a new day. The voice croons,

Only love can hurt like this

Only love can hurt like this

It must have been a deadly kiss

Only love can hurt like this

I press my face into my mattress and let out a groan. Pressing my other pillow to the back of my head doesn't help.

I lay there with my *ss in the air, eyes shut tightly, trying not to think, wishing I had another hour to sleep and forget everything.

I finally pull myself up (quite reluctantly mind you) and let out a sigh, throwing the covers off and stretching out. I make the noises of a wild animal when I'm stretching, much to my embarrassment, but it's one of the only ways to wake myself up.

I frown and grab my phone, changing the song. I love this song but I didn't want it as a "get ready b*tch" song as Abby so pointedly called it. I choose Kesha, "Blow" and sigh in satisfaction.

I stumble to the bathroom and glance at the mirror, noting that my hair is piled wildly on the top of my head. The bane of my existence. I giggle to myself. It normally isn't this bad but today I look like I had been electrocuted in my sleep.

I clear my head and start getting ready for the day. I contemplate my look for the day while rummaging through my closet, humming with my toothbrush in my mouth. I dance to the song as I get dressed. I know I look like a fool but I don't give a f*ck.

I finally settle on my outfit and decided to showcase my natural waves. It is very much an ongoing experiment on what does and doesn't work on my hair. So far, I've managed to find a few things that actually work, which is a friggin miracle.

I self consciously put my hand over my stomach as I check out my look in the mirror. Black dress pants, a simple tunic style blouse and my famous glittery black ballet flats.

Turning to the side, I look again at my stomach. I always try to wear something that gives me some space in my waist. It's the only way I can feel any amount of confidence. I adjust my black glasses with a final glance in the mirror.

I walk through the hallway and kitchen of my modest apartment, grabbing my backpack and a plastic grocery bag which contains my breakfast. Granola bars, yogurt and a fiber bar. A sure way to get my digestive system going.

"Breakfast of champions," I mutter to myself.

I shut the door with precision and check it half a dozen times to make sure it's locked before I walk down the flight of stairs to the parking lot.

And there she is. My baby. My 2010 Subaru hatchback. She and I have been through hell and back and even though she has her issues, I wouldn't trade her.

I pat her hood several times and whisper a "Good morning." It's ridiculous, I know, but it's a part of my morning ritual and it comforts me for some reason.

I get in and check my reflection in the rearview mirror as I adjust it. Sometimes I feel awkward being one of the only women in the office who normally doesn't wear makeup but there is too much to do for me to spend two hours painting my face every morning.

Low maintenance.

Or "Extra low maintenance" as my mother liked to say. I grimace. It was her tone. It was ALWAYS her tone. She meant it as an insult. It was an underlying "Why can't you be more like your sister?"

I roll my eyes and pull out of the parking lot with a squeak. I quickly turn on my playlist and start blasting it, singing along as I drive with the windows down and the cool breeze on my face.

I sigh. Beautiful weather, good music, and my hair actually looks presentable. I smile at myself in the mirror.

I hear a loud roar and see sudden movement out of the corner of my right eye. Startled, I hit my brakes. An expensive looking electric blue motorcycle quickly passes and pulls out right in front of me.

I feel my temper rise and my nostrils flare.

F*ck*ng motorcycle... what a jerk! All of that really wasn't necessary.

"Showoff," I murmur to myself. I let out a breath through my nose.

Ok ok, calm yourself. Like your therapist said.

Breathe

I pull up to the next red light and of course, OF COURSE, I was pulled up right next to the d*ck biker. I give him a side eyed glare, inwardly hoping he isn't looking. But then his head turns towards me and I see my reflection in his helmet.

Oh sh*t. He sees me.

I want to face palm but instead I hold my head high, glaring directly at him.

He lifts a gloved hand and pushes up his visor. Entrancing green eyes meet my gaze. They're rimmed with lashes so thick, they're almost making me jealous.

He's so close, I could reach my hand out and touch him. Kinda tempted to now. I can see from the corner of my eyes that he's got broad shoulders. They'd probably feel amazing under my hands.

But no, not distracting me today. I'm still mad.

I don't break eye contact. I feel bold for some reason. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the music. But there is no way I'm gonna f*ck*ng back down.

His eyes suddenly crinkle into what I assume is a smile under his helmet. He puts his hand back on the bike handles and revs his engine, challenging me. He raises an eyebrow at me, almost like he's asking me what I'm gonna do.

Oh, he wants to play that?

I grin inwardly. My car isn't big, it's not fancy but it has enough juice to beat a motorcycle. I stare right at him, my face deadpan and rev my engine in response. I swear I hear him laugh but it's drowned out by the sound of him revving his engine even louder.

I turn up my music and the bass vibrates through my body. I can't help it, a grin spreads over my face and I let out a light laugh. Mister D*ckh**d gives me a once over before dropping his visor and turning his head.

I watch the light in anticipation, my heart rate spiking. I can't help but bob my head to the sounds of my current obsession.

There's parts of me I cannot hide

I tried and tried a million times

La-da-da-de-dah

La-da-da-de-dah

La-da-da-de-dah

Cross my heart and hope to die

Welcome to my dark side

I see the cross traffic light turn yellow, then red.

I rev my engine, looking at him from the corner of my eye. He hunches over, getting ready to gun it.

The minute the light is green I take off. I see him in my side mirror, trying to come up next to me but I press the gas harder, quickly putting space between us.

I'm grinning like a maniac, I know that now, and I let out a loud whoop.

He suddenly pulls up next to me and I hear him shifting gears trying to get ahead. I push forward and see a green light ahead.

Sh*t

He isn't gonna beat me.

Hell to the no.

I put my left arm out of the window and flip him the bird as I gun my engine and fly ahead. I see the light turn yellow and panic but manage to get across at the tail of it.

I glance at my side mirror, realizing that he was stuck at the light.

A "Ha!" bursts out of me and I feel a rush of excitement, something I haven't felt in months.

Today...

Today is gonna be a good day...

Today is gonna suuuuuuck...

I pull into the parking lot and the adrenaline high that I had basked in is quickly replaced with dread.

Ugh. Now this, THIS is going to be fun. Of course it would...

I roll my eyes at myself.

I turn my music down to a reasonable volume for people with normal hearing as I search for a parking spot. Muttering to myself, I quickly pull into a space towards the back of the lot. Right in the morning sun as all of the shaded spots were taken by the early birds.

I normally get to work about 10 minutes before our morning meeting while the more "responsible" employees get there at least 30 minutes early.

To my surprise, I beat my normal time by five minutes. That was a third victory today. Getting to work early, beating the d*ck driver and my ...hair...

Sh*t

I reach my hand up and feel that my waves have puffed back up to what feels like an unmanageable size. I exit my car with my things in hand and look at my refle