When Love Isn't Enough

Do you still feel your heart race when you're with your husband of several years?

I do.

Especially when my husband Edward Fox comes back from a business trip and we're reunited after a brief separation, it feels like we're newlyweds again.

Although he's not particularly fond of intimacy, he always takes the initiative to fulfill his marital duties when he returns from a trip, and tonight I'm more nervous than usual.

In addition to the excitement of not having s*x for a long time, there's also the pressure of wanting to get pregnant.

A few days ago, I went back to my in - laws' house alone to celebrate my mother - in - law's birthday. In front of all the relatives, she made it clear that if there's still no baby in my belly by the end of the year, we'll get a divorce.

At the thought of this, a few peals of spring thunder suddenly rang out outside the window, followed by large raindrops pounding against the glass, which brought a touch of irritation to my heart.

I wrapped myself tighter in my cool nightgown and went to close the window. As soon as I shut it, the sound of water in the bathroom stopped and Edward Fox walked out in a bathrobe.

I immediately forced a smile to greet him, but he didn't even look at me and just turned to leave.

"Dear, where are you going?" I anxiously chased after him, and my toe hit the bedpost, causing tears to well up in my eyes from the pain.

"Be careful!" He helped me up. "Why are you like a child, tripping over nothing?"

After I steadied myself, he took out the first - aid kit from the storage cabinet and handed it to me. "I have some urgent documents to deal with. Put on some medicine and go to sleep early. Don't wait up for me."

Before leaving, he gently tousled my hair, as if petting a cat.

I said thank you with a smile, but a pang of bitterness rose in my heart.

After three years of marriage, Edward Fox has always been a polite and gentle man. We've never had an argument or even a cross word. My best friend Betty Hall often envies me for having such a model husband.

Whenever I hear such praise, I just smile and let it pass. After all, marriage is like drinking water; only the drinker knows whether it's hot or cold.

Just now, for example, other husbands would at least ask if their wives were in pain when they got hurt, but Edward just handed me the first - aid kit, like an indifferent, cold robot.

Not to mention that at the age of twenty - eight or twenty - nine, he has a very limited frequency of sexual intercourse, and he has never publicly acknowledged me as his wife except to close family and friends.

I once suspected that he might not love me or even have an affair outside, but I never found any clues.

Maybe he just loves his work more than he loves me.

Maybe having a child who looks like both of us could bring his focus back to our little family and also prove to the outside world that I am Mrs. Fox.

I hid my disappointment and leaned against the headboard, waiting slowly, but he still didn't come back until two in the morning.

This was extremely unusual. After a lot of hesitation, I put on my slippers and went to the study.

The corridor was lined with thick carpets, and my shoes made almost no sound on them. I arrived at the room at the end of the corridor. Just as I was about to knock, I saw that the door was slightly ajar, and Edward was sitting in a chair, staring at a bottle of medicine on the table.

Medicine?

Is he sick?

Guilt surged in my heart.

As his wife, I didn't even notice that he was sick and blamed him for being indifferent to me.

With guilt and worry, I pushed the door open. Edward tried to hide the medicine when he heard the noise, but I asked first, "What is this?"

"Vitamins."

His expression quickly returned to calm, but I still had doubts. "When did you start taking them? I didn't hear you mention it."

"The doctor prescribed them for a cold I got while on the business trip. Let's go back to bed."

He must not be in the mood when he's sick. It looks like having a baby is still a distant prospect.

My spirits were a bit low, but to my surprise, as soon as we got back to the bedroom, he pressed down on me and was even more passionate than before.

After my initial shock, I responded, but when I tried to find his lips in the heat of the moment, he turned his head away.

Noticing my stiffness, he whispered, "A cold is contagious."

I said "Oh," pretending to believe him, but I knew in my heart that it was just an excuse.

Because, in three years of marriage, he has never kissed me.

A long time ago, I read a sentence that said kissing is the closest expression of a happy relationship between two people.

So, does Edward really not love me?

...

For a while, the breathing inside the room and the sound of rain outside complemented each other.

When I woke up the next day, Edward had already gone to work. He left a note on the bedside table, saying he had gone to the company first, and there was porridge cooked in the rice cooker for me to eat before going to work.

After drinking a bowl of sweet millet porridge, my stomach was warmed and my heart was sweetened. I thought maybe Edward is a home - oriented man. Although he's not very sweet - talking, he still takes good care of me in all aspects of life.

So I should also go to the study and see what medicine he's taking, to fulfill my duty as a wife.

When I got to the study, the medicine was still in the same place, but the label on the bottle had been torn off.

I distinctly saw it last night in a fleeting glance.

Did Edward tear it off this morning?

The worrying thought came again.

Could it be that it's really not vitamins?

I still couldn't put my mind at ease, so I asked for a morning leave from the company manager, poured out two pills into a sealed bag, and went to the hospital lab to find my best friend Betty Hall and ask her to help test the drug's components.

Betty is the only "family member" who knows about my marriage besides my mom. She teased me, "Lisa, is it that your husband Edward has become more vigorous recently and you're worried he's taking performance - enhancing drugs?"

With something heavy on my mind, I didn't even have the mood to joke. I forced a smile and asked, "How long will it take?"

"About two hours."

"Then I'll wait and treat you to lunch at the same time."

I was sitting on a bench in the lounge playing with my phone when Betty came to find me with a very serious expression. I had a bad feeling and was bracing myself for the worst: "The results are out?"

Betty nodded, looking at me with an ambiguous gaze. "I heard you say before that you're trying to get pregnant?"

"Yeah, so what?" I asked nervously.

Betty sighed, "Then you don't need to try anymore."

I panicked immediately.

Edward must have a very serious illness, like an incurable disease or something, which is serious enough to prevent him from having children.

I clutched Betty's hand tightly, wanting to ask for more details, when I heard her say, "What he's taking is male contraceptive pills."

My ears were buzzing, and the world before my eyes spun wildly.

After several tens of seconds, the dizziness subsided, and I slowly released Betty's hand, taking the lab report from her. I stared at it for a long time before finally asking, "Could there have been a mistake?"

"I was watching the whole process; the chances are slim," Betty said after a moment of thought, then added, "If you have more of the pills, I could test them again."

I declined.

I knew what Betty was trying to do—give me some time to process this. The probability of an error was minuscule, and it certainly wouldn't happen to me of all people.

Moreover, over the past three years of marriage, every time my mother-in-law pressured us about having a child, Edward would nonchalantly say there was no rush, that things would happen naturally.

My mother-in-law thought her son was protecting me, so she applied pressure only to me behind the scenes. I believed this, but I was also anxio