PLEASE LOVE ME

February afternoons were made to be like this. The sky, mid-afternoon, is a beautiful canvas graced with sky blues and pure milky whites and golden balls, shining down to earth. The blue in the depths beyond and the smooth, rounded, sugary sweet clouds in the foreground. Stained white wooden porches, green plastic lawn and park chairs and a yellow butterfly dancing above the steamy urban pavement with an invisible partner to a made-up song. A little girl appears, jumping and laughing to touch it. Gemma sat on one of the benches in the park, she appeared to love and smile at the girl, who danced, trying to catch the butterfly, a smile adorned her lips when their eyes met, her blue eyes locking with Gemma's, and she giggled and continued, shifting her gaze to the butterfly that made a run for it. "I would be back soon" she heard Juan's soft voice say he didn't sound so happy, and she could guess why. She looked away from the young girl, who played with the butterfly, to her man, the person she loved most in the world, Juan Walker. Her smile faded into a hidden frown knowing what he meant by that. He moved closer to her, placing his phone in his back pocket. Juan didn't look so happy as well, as he approached her. His face is covered in sadness, but his eyes glint with warmness towards her. "Is something wrong?" she forced a smile as he approached her, his gaze neither shifted nor faltered. There was always something wrong when she decided to spend time with him, the park date was a perfect idea, she had been craving and she had been planning this for the longest, for two years, and finally, she got him out, but time seemed to be against them. Juan grasped her wrist, and a whisper escaped his lips, "We have to go," he pulls her by her wrist, walking to a red SUV parked outside the park. "Juan," her gentle voice called, his grip was tight and he didn't even notice. "What? I told you I wouldn't stay long" his voice became rough, and her eyes lowered to the floor, as he faced her and he lets go of her as opened the car door for her. Gemma slowly got in without a word and sat patiently waiting for him to get in, her gaze gliding on the little girl, she looked really confused, watching them both, maybe she was taught about love differently. When their eyes met again a little smile graced the corner of her lips, and she raised her hand, Gemma's heart calmed at the finger heart, she showed her and this made her smile again, her eyes streaked while the little girl's eyes held hers. Juan started the engine, Gemma's smile widened when she waved at her, she then returned hers. "Who are you waving at?" Juan asked as he drove off the park, Gemma kept smiling at the little girl, till she was out of her sight, she turned to Juan ready to reply to him. "Someone," she adjusted, locking her seatbelt, smiling widely at him. "Hmm, the someone doesn't have a name?" he darts at her, with a think smirk at the end of his lips. Gemma's shoulders raised as she looked out of the window. Seeing the little girl and how she managed to calm her heart Gemma turned to Juan again, he seemed focused on the road. Her heart suddenly palpitated with fear with the question she was about to ask, either way, she forced it out of her mouth. "Do you want to have kids?" she swallowed, and just like she thought, Juan wouldn't take it well, hearing this question. Juan choked instantly hitting the brake. Gemma took her head backwards, resting on the leather, feeling guilty and her heart pounding with fear. She waited for his reply while listening to his raging breath, she wouldn't have asked that, what was she thinking, she pinched her hand. She was like a mistress to him, if he did it would be with his girlfriend, and he would never leave to be with her."Are you insane?" He turned over to her after parking at the edge of the road. Gemma remained silent staring at him. "Emma? Are you serious?" He asked, his voice soft yet angered. "I'm sorry, I-I-I didn't know when that came out," She whispered, swallowing and folding her hand in between her thighs. Fear gripped her like a blanket, and darkness like a curtain. Juan breathed, seeing how much he scared her, he gulped and looked out the window, watching other cars pass them by, he licked his lips, resting his hands on his forehead. "I have dinner with Alice, I don't want to be late" He cleared his throat, unlocking the car door. Gemma looked at the door, he was sending her out again, this had happened so many times, that she had lost count. "Juan" her voice softened and her gaze went watery. "Today is our anniversary, you're the reason I came out" she knew that but she wanted to spend time with him, was that a crime? and it wasn't even up to an hour now he was leaving when next was she going to see him? This was all she cared for as he was sending her out. "Okay, would you come over tonight?" She managed to ask, her voice shaking as she whispered. "Gemma" he sighed, frustration filled him up. That was a no, she hurriedly took out her bag and grabbed the lock getting down. "I love you," she tells him, before shutting the door. "I love you too" He answered, Gemma, blinked away, staring at the street of Seattle. He was a liar, she knew that but she wasn't ready to accept it, her heart still smiled when she sees him, her heart brightened when he slept beside her, and happiness filled the darkest hole when he smiled. She closed the door Juan drove off immediately. She took a deep breath and looked around. A little sigh escaped her lips, watching his car till it was out of her sight. A bell rang, as she stepped into a studio, Nita's studio— a place where she worked. "Gosh, you're late" Anita— Gemma's manager and friend. Anita rushed forward to her, her eyes were watery. Anita turned away from her, sighing. From the way she looked, she could tell what happened, her eyes rolled, stepping backwards. "He left," she says, dropping her bag frustrated on a chair close by "Why are you so stubborn!" She growled at her. Gemma didn't say a word instead her sobbing became louder. "He's not the only guy in the world" Anita exhaled, holding her aching head. "You can't understand" She gawked at her, and even with her teary eyes, Gemma reached out for her bag and walked into a dressing room. "Understand what? you're sleeping around with a guy that has a girlfriend!" Anita followed. "That's enough!" She yelled, turning back at her, her eyes widened and her breath increased, "Let's get this shot over with" "No, you look like a mess!" "Isn't that why we have a make-up artist?" she pointed in a low voice. Gemma and Anita stared at each other with rage, she hated when someone had to point it out to her. "You're so annoying" Anita rolled her eyes walking away from her presence. Gemma exhaled slowly, trying to calm her aching heart. She sat watching herself as they put her makeup perfectly, warm and light make-up, she had to model for a clothing brand along with a perfume company. After they were done with her makeup, she headed to the studio, Anita shook her head uncountable times as she was looking her worst. "Are you insane!" She recalled, every time his voice rang in her head, she looked away, sucking the flood of tears about to hit her. "It's our anniversary and I have dinner with Alice" She sighed tightening her lips, Juan had never taken her out on a date or for dinner, whenever he came around, they either watched a movie or had s*x, but at least he brought her flowers or sent some over to her. "What's wrong with her?" the photographer asked, Anita, sighed taking her hair backwards. "She looks devastated," He says. "She is" Anita looked at him, shaking her head again, she looked at Gemma but she kept striking a pose like she was fine, Anita looked at him, he had a smile on seeing how angry she looked "Thank you for doing this," she tells him, tapping his shoulders. "It's no problem, she's a stunning lady, I want to bless my camera with such beauty" he smiled. Anita giggled, folding her hands across her chest. Finally, the shoot was over, Gemma went into the dressing room and sat staring at herself in the mirror, her phone rang she picked it up and looked at it ring, Juan was calling, should she pick it up? she battled with herself. "Hello?" She answered, holding her hands tightly. "Gemma?" he called, and she softly answered "Are you-" he cleared his throat, and she heard his breath shakily "Are you by chance pregnant?" he finally lets out. "What?" She muttered. "Are you still on the pills?" He asked repeatedly, She couldn't believe her ears. Was giving him a baby going to let him love her? "I am, why?" she looked around. "That's good, I couldn't help but think about what you asked" "I was only joking" she brightened, knowing he was worried. "Alright," the call was silent, and Gemma played with her fingers, waiting for him to say something, I have something to confess" he whispered over the phone, Gemma knew he was close to Alice. "What is it?" She smiled, was he finally going to say what she's been dying to hear? "Alice and I are getting married," He says, Gemma's smile faded.

"Alice and I are getting married," He says, Gemma's smile faded, and her eyes caught her reflection in the mirror, and her eyes went misty at the stabbing words. Gemma remained silent on the phone but her breath increased and became shaky. She looked away from the mirror and raised her head, pushing back her tears, her hands brushing the tears rolling down her cheek, she knew deep down, he loved her so much and wasn't going to let go, she didn't want to either, Juan meant the whole world to her. Gemma's eyes are wrinkled. "But we could still be together, I'm getting married doesn't mean we won't be together" He spoke, despite the breaking news, she felt him smile over the phone. She shut her eyes tightly and her face crinkled, her mouth streaked and tightened together, and like a flash, tears rolled down her eyes. Gemma quickly trapped the wiping sound in the palm of her hand. She heard