Destiny's Thread

Sasha stood with her boxes in Stanka Parmaca street in Opuzen, Croatia, under a tent as heaven poured down rain on earth like an African mother scolding her child. She had nowhere in mind, she was headed to nowhere in particular. She knew where she came from –Branimirova Obala 12, 23000– the place she had sworn never to return to, her former husband's house… her house which he had claimed ownership of.It has been almost two hours since she has been standing underneath this tent. She had thought the rain would not fall for this long. Perhaps it was another of her bad omens that was manifesting again. This was that time of the year when it was not supposed to rain. The weather forecast said it would be sunny today.She was happy she had finally summoned the courage to do what was right for her life after so many years of suffering; so many years of being a punching bag for her husband to showcase every new boxing skill he learned everyday; so many years of telling herself tomorrow would be different; so many years of enduring her narcissist husband and his gaslighting.She only wished she had this courage she had just found years ago. She regretted thinking marriage was full of ups and downs and that she had to endure, like the soil absorbing water, her marriage had no ups, it had always been the downs, downs and downs, every single day.When she had thought that, at least, God had chosen to bless her suffering by giving her a child, Daniel, she had let him slip away. She had wished it was her instead but who would Daniel be with? Harvey? Hell no!Sometimes, she thanked God the young child had made the right choice by dying. There's nothing much in this life to live for. Life was just a game of getting hurt and wishing to heal… it was a very deep bottomless pit and we just had to keep falling and falling, maybe it was just her that the world was being unfair to.Hot tears welled from her eyes and coursed down her cheeks, it was her fault. She had brought the child to life with the hope that things would get better when he arrived. She had wanted to use the child as a decoy to mend her marriage that had broken into shreds like a smashed mirror.As they lowered the child, her own child, her Daniel into a grave, she could not forgive herself for what she had done to him. Daniel would have grown to be a nice gentleman. She'd have made sure he became nothing like his father, who had no respect for women.The flickering lights of the incoming cars tossed her back to the moment. The rain had decided to stop. What was left was just drizzling. She walked outside the tent so that she'd be able to get a taxi. "Where would I tell him to take me to?" She thought bitterly to herself. Actually, she had no where in mind. She just wanted to leave. To leave this place that had taken her joy away from her, for good.As she waved to the taxi passing by, the drove that drove towards her direction, she still had no idea where she was going. When the car had gotten close to her, the driver asked where she was headed.She deliberated for a while. Still unsure where to go from here. "Take me somewhere far away from here. To a hotel outside this town. Just take me out of her." Tears flowed uncontrollably and the driver could see that she was hurt and had been through a lot. But he was in no position to ask her a question. This was no longer a mere business to him. He was going to help her get to a place, a hotel far away from here. He came down and loaded her boxes into the boot. She got into the car. Tears still flowed out of her eyes. Her eyes were swollen. As they drove away, the driver had noticed her bruised chin, this confirmed his suspicion that her case was that of domestic abuse."Is there anything I could do to help you, ma'am?" The driver asked, concerned."No, there's nothing you can do to help. I don't need anybody's help. Just take me out of here." She was sober again. However, this time her voice shaked with pain and fear."I want to know that whatever it's you're going through, you're not alone. God is with you. He's always with you. Have hope for God has promise to know forsake us especially in our times of need. He is there for us, has always been, through our darkest parts; with us in the dungeons of hard times and will see us through to better days." She listened attentively to him but her mind was made up. What was God thinking when he let her marry Harvey knowing she was going to suffer? Where was God when she needed him the most? Why had he given her Daniel if he wasn't going to let her have him? She realized that she had fallen into her usual thoughts. The thoughts she never shared with anyone. What would they think? That is she was a pagan, a heathen. She was used to getting judged by people.Life had its ways of murdering faiths, she had been buried together with her beloved child.About 30 later she saw a sign board that read: Welcome to the city of Split. The driver drove through the streets and in no time, they were at the front of a two story building, a hotel. It was not a luxurious hotel but not a bad place either. She alighted, the driver did too and helped bring her boxes out of the boot. He offered to help her take them into the room she would be lodging in but she refused. She was never going to trust any man in her life again, not even her father if he was resurrected from the dead.She asked him how much it cost to bring her here."50 HRK'' he said smiling in a way that made her know that was below the normal pay. She brought out wads of money from her pocket and gave him 100 HRK."I asked for 50 HRK." He drew her attention to the note she had given him."Keep the change, for the stress I've caused you.""Thanks, ma'am." He tucked the money into his trouser pocket and quickly turned to his car and brought out a card. He extended it to her, "call me when you need anything."She accepted the card and appreciated his kind gesture. "Thank you."She did not move from where she had dropped until she was sure he had driven out of sight. She dragged her boxes into the hotel. She was lucky, there was a vacant room.When she had finally booked into the room, she showered and sat on the bed. She began to cry. Earlier, she had not had the time to mourn her child. Now that she was alone, it was the best time to do that. "Rest in peace, Daniel. I would do the same if I had the courage to. This life is not worth living." She mustered between sobs to herself.There were times when she had thought of suicide, to run into a speeding car, jump over the bridge into the river, or even, hang herself. She needed more than just the thoughts. Thoughts don't kill s person, she had always prayed for the strength, for the courage to be brave enough.

Sasha stretched her body on the bed as she woke up to the glint of light that had taken over the room. It was a new day. Last night, she had prayed to not be part of today; she had prayed for death. But then, "Does God even answer her prayers?" She was about to begin her pool of questions when she admitted to herself that it was too early for that. Sasha knew she had sinned in the past but did God not say to ask forgiveness and forgiveness shall be given? Why then was her case different?She smuggled out of the bed and walked barefoot into the bathroom. She brushed and washed her face. "Good morning world. It's another day to throw your worst at me," she mused.To be sincere, nothing would make her happy. If there was anything then it was to hear that Harvey had been crushed by a train. No, she doesn't want him to die, death would only be an easy escape route for him. She wants him to be in a situation in which he'd have