Alpha's First Kiss

Ever thought that happiness is not suitable for the ugly. The flaws that every inch has been increasingly crushing the feeling of insecurity over the number of less and far from perfect sentences. In my silence, weeping, weeping for every path of life that God has entrusted.

Humans like me do not have a broad sense of patience and also a sense of deep gratitude. How can this heart openly accept every flaw that often ends up being a gossip.

When I see my reflection in front of a mirror, there is no mistake if someone tells the truth even though it hurts me. I'm not a perfect woman, I'm just a woman with an ordinary physique, also with so many flaws. I feel like crying when I see a face full of pimples, feet with traces of wounds, not to mention a very simple appearance. I have nothing to behold.

It hurts when you compare it to the women out there. Some too many physical owners can be said to be perfect without any visible flaws. I thought that I could be them. I just need patience and also money, but from one of them, I'm still lacking. This woman, who was born into a simple family, could not beg for money from her parents just to buy maintenance needs.

But after a while someone was able to make this feeling turn into confidence, sure that there is a handsome man who can accept me as I am with an extraordinary heart.

"Are you busy, honey?"

The person who is calling me right now is my boyfriend.

"Not really, what's wrong, Leo?" I asked because suddenly he called me.

"I miss you."

See how that guy teases me and makes my cheeks blush. "One day ago we just met, be patient first we only need a moment to meet tomorrow."

"I don't want to! I miss you so much," he said sadly.

How can butterflies not fly in my stomach when I hear his spoiled words that melt my heart so much.

"Then what else?"

There was a mumbling sound there.

"We're going out for a bit tonight, I'll pick you up and we'll have dinner together."

"I'm not really in the mood to eat, but there's nothing wrong if I accompany you later."

The sound of laughter was so loud that it made me push the flat object away from my eardrums.

"That food will improve your mood. I don't care that you have to eat a lot later. I'll pick you up at eight in the evening, see you, honey! I love you."

Can only exhale surrender. Haven't had time to say no, but he turned off the phone first.

I'm currently smiling. The feeling of happiness is so overwhelming. This is one of the reasons I survive in the frenzy of darkness. The very many shortcomings have disappeared from the greatness of his love. He is the one and only gem that only an ordinary brick like me can have. A new lamp over the ashes of darkness.

***

I carried my pants a little while passing through the muddy streets. I'm in a very bad mood tonight. That is why it is necessary to be vigilant so as not to get your hopes up on something that is uncertain.

Leo suddenly canceled his promise with the excuse of drizzling, even though at this time there was no rain falling, usually, we would still go even though it was raining heavily.

"Huftt.. muddy!" I hissed as I made my way through the muddy streets.

I often wish that if I had my vehicle I wouldn't have to walk to buy cake supplies every day, but how else can I even pay the rent, sometimes it's still difficult, let alone buying a vehicle. It can't be helped, the stepmother would be angry if I didn't want to do her orders.

When I was alone in my daydreams, my tail accidentally found someone who was very familiar. A sight I want to deny. Even though my walk is no longer straight, as well as my body which is starting to stiffen, I brace myself to shake off the ugliness in my mind now.

"You are so sweet."

Muachh.

"Leo!"

No! It's just a dream, supposedly. I can not believe it when he kissed another woman in front of me.

"What are you doing here?"

"I-it's just a joke, right?" My mouth suddenly went numb. I still really hope that all of this is fake.

"Sorry this isn't a lie, Carla I like her, I–"

Plakk.

"Damn it!"

"Bitch! What are you doing."

The girl pushed me so hard that I slapped Leo's face in anger. Control my emotions just like that. Cold heat makes me lose my own mind.

"Not all sorry will heal a pain, Leo."

I saw the mocking look on his face. "I take back what I just said. A lowly woman like you doesn't deserve an apology, especially from someone high class like me."

"Have done wrong but continue. What do you want, Leo?"

"Hurt you deeper."

Shortness of breath, the air supply seemed to run out instantly. "You should know that the love I give is fake. All is nothing but to win a bet with my friend."

"Fuck!"

"Wow! An idiot like you can say that?"

"Where is your heart?"

Leo drew closer. "You still ask about the heart?" He took out his cell phone showing a front camera screen right in front of me.

"Look at the ugly as you really deserve to be given a heart?"

It's been too stabbed. "Your words hurt me."

"That's a fact, Carla. You're just a woman with many flaws, I feel disgusted by your appearance. Your looks are so lacking, then look at your legs, have you never treated them to black marks like that? Fix yourself—"

"THAT'S NOT MY WANT!"

"To be beautiful, smooth, sexy whatever other women have I want to like that, I want, I really want!" my voice began to tremble as tears began to fall.

"Maybe if I had enough money my face would no longer be like this as well as the wound on my leg, but have you ever thought that it would be difficult for me to achieve? I have been desperately patient with the insults that other people always say because I realize that it is a truth."

The irises of my eyes stared straight at me sharply. "But is it appropriate for a truth to be told if it causes someone pain?"

"You are actually a lowly man who takes advantage of a weak woman like me."

"Using you? I don't think you have any use. Just to satisfy lust, I can't use you. Mess up! The pimples on your face often make me feel sick—"

"ENOUGH LEO! ENOUGH!"

"IF YOU REALLY WANT TO BREAK UP WITH ME, JUST BREAK UP! DON'T HURT ME CONTINUOUSLY."

My chest is tight I'm helpless. There were so many people there, but why, why did absolutely no one want to defend me when I'm being humiliated like this.

"One day you will regret throwing away an ugly woman like me."

I saw Leo looking around and the next second he laughed broadly. It turned out that they were all the same, in silence, it was seen if they held back their laughter when they heard what I said.

“I will definitely regret it ha ha ha...”

The boisterous sound of lowly laughter slowly made me step back, turned and ran away from them. I'm not strong, I don't have the courage to speak anymore.

Everyone hurt me. Everyone is mean to me.

"Ugly girl. Poor fate ha ha ha ...."

I laughed like a depressed woman. But I'm sick. New facts make me no longer believe that the standard of perfection is very necessary to live a happy life.

Many fewer women like me don't seem to deserve happiness.

"Just take my life, Lord."

I say it softly because now the world only needs perfection, not loyalty anymore.